How to get the sparkle back in your relationship this Valentine’s Day

14 February 2017

Admit it. Without working at it, your significant other can easily take the backseat to the craziness that is life. And you can be pushed to the side too, by a well-meaning partner. The simple truth of a relationship is 'It works if you work it.' If you find yourself thinking that your true love has turned into Prince Charming-less, here are some ways to give that frog back his shining armor:

Valentine's Day on Female First

Remember

Remember those times when your loved one used to do those sweet little things that made you all weak in the knees? Yes, they may be monthly or worse, sporadically done, but make a big deal over it when he/she does something nice. Everyone likes to be appreciated. Everyone likes to be acknowledged.

Remember why you fell in love with them in the first place. Be quick to see the positives instead of focusing on the negatives. What you put under the magnifying glass sticks out… instead of always seeing the flaws, think on the amazing attributes of your partner.

Learn (and speak) their love language

These days so much focus is placed on idolizing sex, especially erotic sex in our relationships. Yes, some spice can indeed turn up the heat in the bedroom but will it always turn up the heat in our hearts? Introducing sex in the forms of porn or play toys can give a sharp shock to the heart but it can (as has been proven) leave your intimate relationship with your spouse empty.

Instead, look for those things, little things, that your partner does specifically that puts the butterflies back in your tummy. Identifying and acknowledging that certain look, that little smile, the way he/she wears a certain outfit, how they complement you or that fantastic dinner they made just for you is where it's at.

Sex toys only go so far people. You need to be SPECIFIC about learning your partner's specific language of love (a great book that confirms this is "The 5 Languages of Love: The Secret to Love That Lasts" by Gary D Chapman) and then let them know you love it… and them.

Turn it off to get turned on

An inattentive audience can eat the confidence of a performer like a disease. Likewise, your lack of attention can siphon the life out of your partner's passion. Be attentive, remember the old adage "If you want a friend BE a friend"? The same is true for a romantic relationship… "If you want love then GIVE love". Turn off that smart phone, disconnect from the Internet, unplug from the rest of the world and give your undivided attention to the one you love. (There is no better gift than this.)

REAL time

Household chores, going to the grocery, or even doing something with your children are all activities we frequently confuse with "together time". It's just not. 'REAL' time is doing something not because you HAVE to… but because you CHOOSE to. Anyone and everyone groans when they have a chore list. Don't put your relationship on that list. Do something together that is pure pleasure for the both of you… you won't be sorry.

Listen (I mean REALLY listen)

People love to talk about themselves. A sure fire way of developing a relationship is to listen actively. Active listening is a seriously underrated skill set. Yes it's fabulous that you want to share all your amazing achievements but your partner needs someone to listen to them too! Try for one night to skip how great you are and focus on the greatness of your sweetheart and you'll be showered with gratitude. Remove any physical barriers, set down whatever you're doing, make eye contact, nod your head, and LISTEN. This will make them feel important. Remember… you get what you give. You'll have your moment to shine, make your partner feel shiny and special too.

Stop being a critic

I've never seen a statue erected to honor a critic. Your partner will avoid and eventually resent you, if you are constantly criticizing him/her. If you want your partner to change something then you need to do it first. Truth is, people are more willing to DO or COPY a desired behavior if you're modeling it for them. Think Gandhi "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Other people, including your honey, will watch what you do more than listen to what you say. Actions speak louder than words yes? You want a change, then BE the change.

This Valentine's Day skip the commercialism, and spice up your relationship by being present. Your attention is the best fuel to true love. X's and O's.

By MagicFM radio presenter Angie Greaves

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Angie Greaves is an Award Winning and Sony nominated icon of British radio with over 25 years' experience. Angie currently presents one of London's most popular afternoon shows; 'Afternoons of Magic' on MagicFM, and on Saturday evenings Angie can be heard presenting 'Soul Town - the best of Motown and Soul'. Angie has won the CTO Caribbean Tourism Organisation Award for her radio show on British Airways and her services to travel and promoting the Caribbean as a tourist destination. Angie is a working mother and is keen to encourage women not to feel 'down-graded' if they decide to re-position their career in order to put their family first.

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