Half of divorced Brits had doubts before they got married

27 March 2017

Nearly half of divorced Brits admit that they had doubts before they even walked down the aisle, new research has shown.

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Instead of enjoying their big day, 49 per cent said they were already worried the relationship was doomed, with 65 per cent of those admitting they had considered leaving their other half at the altar.

But despite this, optimism about the future won out and they went ahead with the marriage anyway. And nearly 90% did not discuss what would happen if the relationship ended instead choosing to focus on the positives. Nearly half say they don’t regret their marriage despite it not working out.

While most bride and grooms spend the period before their wedding drafting table plans, picking out flowers and selecting caterers, a third of divorced Brits were struggling with serious nerves or ‘jitters’.

The most common reasons people went through with the ceremony despite their doubts were that they thought it was 'too late' to pull out, they were too embarrassed, they would feel guilty letting their partner down or that they felt pressure from their family to go ahead with the wedding.

One in six said they thought they would be able to get their partner to change for the better once they had exchanged vows and 42 per cent said they just hoped it would all work out.

The research, which polled 1,604 divorced Brits, was commissioned by family law specialists Slater and Gordon who have found that clients coming to them for advice on getting divorced often regret not listening to their ‘gut’ before they became Mr and Mrs.

In spite of their concerns one in ten divorcees admitted they had spent so much money on the big day they didn’t feel they could cancel it no matter how worried they were that the relationship would fail. Eight per cent said they walked down the aisle because they felt they should as they had children together.

Fifteen per cent admitted they had felt physically sick in advance of the wedding because of their concerns that they were making a mistake.

Amanda McAlister, leading divorce lawyer said: “It’s incredibly common for people to go into marriages with doubts. There can also be a lot of optimism at the wedding, but this can fade with time.

“We also have some clients who say they had an early instinct their marriage might not be successful and now regret not listening to that doubt.

“I would advise anyone considering marriage to think carefully, not only about long term compatibility, but also about protecting any children involved and their assets.

“We tell clients to be realistic and have those difficult conversations about concerns and worries with your partner as early as possible. It’s much harder to resolve living arrangements after a relationship has completely broken down if there has been no conversation about worst case scenarios in advance.

“Ending a marriage is a sad and difficult decision to make but it’s often made worse because people are left with the uncertainty of what will happen to their assets.

“It’s important to also be clear about what your expectations are of marriage and your partner in advance of exchanging vows.”

Only 36 per cent of the divorcees polled said they felt positive about their future on their wedding day yet only 13 per cent had thought about what would happen if they got divorced.

A third said they had discussed their fears that the marriage wouldn’t work in advance of the ceremony, with both men and women most likely to confide in a close friend or their mum.

Many divorced Brits admitted they did not think it would be a big deal to end their marriage shortly after their wedding with 48 per cent saying they believed a quickie divorce would be easy to arrange.

Nearly a third wrongly thought they could have their marriage annulled, while 17 per cent said they mistakenly assumed a divorce would not be necessary if they broke up with their partner within six months of the wedding.

More than half of those surveyed said that looking back they regretted their decision to go through with the marriage with 36 per cent admitting that when they did decide to split from their partner their friends and family were ‘not surprised’.

The research also showed that couples who had been in a relationship for a shorter period of time before they got married were most likely to have had reservations before the big day.

Forty five per cent said they had no idea their spouse would have a claim on their assets if the union lasted for less than a year.

Family lawyer Amanda McAlister said: “Getting divorced is not a simple process, even if the marriage hasn’t lasted very long.

“People should understand there is time, effort and cost involved when it comes to launching divorce proceedings or drawing up a separation agreement.

“Also, couples must wait until they have been married for a year before they can divorce.

“This came to light recently in the much publicised case of former model Jodie Kidd’s eight month marriage to David Blakely. The couple began to wind up their union by a decree of judicial separation. These decrees are very rare, but can be issued before the first anniversary of a marriage.

“At the end of the process, a couple remain married, but the court proceedings enable them to deal with financial issues and arrangements for children.

“If there are any doubts about the marriage I would advise people to think very carefully before they walk down the aisle as it will be much harder to separate yourself once you are married.

There are a range of steps couples can take to protect themselves ahead of marriage. A prenup, although not legally binding in England and Wales, can be hard to challenge if properly drawn up and can help to take away any confusion about how assets should be divided in the sad event that a marriage ends.

“As soon as you get married you open yourself up to a financial claim from your spouse.”

Top ten reasons doubting Brits walked down the aisle