How many close friends do you have?
Why is spending time with friends far more effective than therapy?
A close friendship provides so many things – from comfort and support to hours of laughter. Talking about your problems, or just sharing your stories, is always very cathartic and when you can do this with someone that knows you. It’s also very comforting too. What’s more, as Hallmark’s friendship report shows, people are often brought together by shared interests, their shared sense of humour and lifestyles. This feeling of being able to relate to someone so closely will give you an added boost that only friends can provide.
Why do we sometimes find it hard to invest time on our friendships?
According to the report, drifting apart is one of the main reasons for friendships breaking down and this is most often caused by a lack of time spent together. With busy lives to lead, people often find it hard to invest time in their friendships. We’re so busy with our own lives, especially if we have a family, but you have to remember that a strong friendship is like a potted plant it needs looking after and feeding. I like to keep up with my friends by sending them a card every now and then, or even a letter – in fact, I wrote my friend a letter just the other week that was over seven pages long!
The average person has at least five close friends in their social circle, so how beneficial is it to have more than just one or two?
It really depends on what you feel comfortable with but I always say the more close friends you can keep the better! Each new friend brings with them a new quality to the group. You may have one friend you can depend on for a great night out but chose another to go to when you need a shoulder to cry on. We all have different qualities that shine through in different situations and a close group of friends means you can play to people’s strengths, depending on your needs.
Why does moving home put so much stress on a friendship?
First and foremost, distance can make it harder to keep that close contact you need in a friendship unless you make the effort to pick up the phone or send a card or letter between visits. However, it’s also important to remember that as humans we’re all creatures of habit. As such, change – unless initiated by us – is unsettling to most people. Something changing can rattle our sense of security and the closer we are to that change, the more unsettling it is likely to be and obviously moving home is a big upheaval that could change a lot of things.
How can changing attitudes alter a friendship?
A close friendship offers comfort and support but relies on some sort of shared bond. When a friend changes their attitude in a way that you may not agree with, it can make it harder for you to share your personal thoughts and opinions on things. It may be that you feel that this change has forced you to grow apart in different directions or it can be as simple as you simply stepping back from your friend in fear of a disagreement.
If you have children how can this impact on your relationship with a friend?
Generally, when people have children, they have to change their priorities as well as their schedule and this can make it harder to stay in touch. Thinking that nothing will change when one friend has a baby is silly because of course things will – but this doesn’t mean that friendships will mean any less. It just makes the times you do see each other more special!
In what ways can getting married mean that things might turn sour between two people?
Like moving home, change – unless initiated by us - is unsettling. A friend getting married is a big event in a friendship, and while friends will try and be there every step of the way, the friendship has the potential to change dramatically – the fear of this could be unsettling and turn things sour. You may not be used to sharing your friend’s time and attention too but it doesn’t mean you’ll stop seeing them altogether. The trick is to always have your next ‘event’ in the diary so even if you can’t see each other as regularly as you used to you can enjoy the build-up to your next catch up together.
What sort of differing lifestyles alter the course of a friendship?
There are lots of reasons a friendship may have to adapt or change - different experiences, different financial backgrounds and different locations to name but a few. However, as long as you keep that all important contact, you can keep the close bond that brought you together in the first place.
In what ways do you nurture your friendships?
The factors that make friendships stronger include everything from your levels of trust, loyalty and honesty to the length of time you’ve known each other – every relationship is unique. However, one thing every close friendship needs is regular contact and the opportunity to share some of our most challenging and rewarding experiences.
Why are breaches in trust and lies the biggest things to rock a friendship?
A close friend is someone that you can confide in whole-heartedly, knowing that they will not share your most personal thoughts with anyone and that they value the openness you share. You need trust in order to do this. If a friend lies about something, this tarnishes the trust you have in one another and therefore you won’t share as many private things with that individual. A breach in trust makes you question the friendship’s foundation and you will feel uncomfortable with one another.
What is your professional background?
My career started in radio and I’ve been writing, presenting and contributing to programmes ever since. As a Relationship Expert, I’ve enjoyed starring in and hosting a variety of TV shows over the years, appearing on the likes of Sky News, Channel 4 and BBC News 24. I’m also a published author and my books have travelled as far as China, Bulgaria and the USA.
What is next for you?
I continue to do a lot of work about relationships but am also now working on devising a program to help build self-esteem. On a personal level, I’m getting used to my son going off to university so I’m madly taking up new exercise routines whilst learning to make the perfect cupcake!
tagged in Friends Family Relationship