Hollie McNish
The one with ourselves!
Dove have launched their new self-esteem campaign and enlisted the help of award winning poet Hollie McNish. Hollie has written to poems that encapsulate how women see their own beauty. We asked her about the relationship we have with ourselves and how we can try to overcome our critical eye when it comes to the way we see ourselves.
Why are many women their own worst beauty critic?
Probably because we look at ourselves more than we look at any one other person. Closely anyway. I also think probably because every day we are told by adverts and the media that looks are the most important part of life, or of you or your body. According to adverts and the majority of films and music videos and well, most media, you have to look a certain way to make love, to be important, to sell bloody sofas even! We’re shown what we should want to look like, and those images show mainly thin, tall, light-skinned, young, straight-haired women. Often airbrushed and altered. It’s hard to step outside this culture when you live in it and can’t avoid it unless you lock yourself in a cave! It is hard to see it for what it is – a way to sell products to us mainly. We also notice things about ourselves that no-one else does – and that no-one else cares about; a line, spots, dandruff, whatever it is. I don’t think individual people are to blame. Our media culture is completely obsessed with looks. Looks over health, looks over happiness. It wasn’t always like that.
Why is there such a small percentage of women who consider themselves as beautiful?
I think because the word ‘beautiful’ has become so limited these days; limited to human looks and a certain look at that and we feel we don’t stand up to that. Because we don’t, it’s impossible. But I think those same women find beauty in other, more important things; in the things they do, in their relationships, in their kids if they have them, in dancing, walking, swimming, the beach, whatever! That’s where real beauty lies anyway. The kind of beauty that makes us happy. We’re also quite modest in the UK, which I think is a good thing. I don’t know anyone, even people who probably think they are, who would say ‘Yes, I’m beautiful. Definitely’. They’d get called arrogant quite quickly here I think! I’d be more worried if only 1% of women thought their life was never beautiful.
How did you become to be involved in the project with Dove?
They heard a poem I wrote about my daughter, called Wow, and they liked it. So they asked me if I would write some poetry about any self-esteem issue that was close to me. So I did. Because there are lots of issues I feel really passionate about in this way.
Why was it important to you to convey your message through your poetry for this project?
That’s just how I write. I always have. Since I was a kid, my diary has been in poems, rhymes. Always, I have no idea why! I just find it easiest to get my feelings and thoughts out in rhyme.
Please tell us about your daughter and how she feels about herself.
The way she acts, I would guess (and hope) she feels loved, happy, confident, shy sometimes, adventurous, awkward, angry, frustrated, nervous. Like all kids. Like all people. I make it one of my duties not to put myself down around her. I don’t moan about my body or my looks at all. I make an effort to say things like ‘oooh, my belly is so soft, it’s like a pillow’ or ‘your legs are so good at jumping’ etc. She told me my bum was like play-do the other day and that’s why she loves it. And it’s true! She sees bodies for what they are; a thing that help people play, run, skip, climb trees, whatever it is we want to or are lucky enough to be able to do.
Can you tell us about the inspiration behind the poem?
Both of them are really just about the wasted time we (or I) spend criticising ourselves. I mean, it’s not against being interested in fashion, dressing up, make up, getting all glitzed up, whatever. It’s all fun. Looks can be fun. But when it turns from that, from fun, to pointless criticising, it’s just a waste of time. A waste of life. We’ve only got one and there is so much to do, so much great stuff to do. It was about taking the focus away from beauty altogether. Am I beautiful? Am I not? Forget it. Go ride a bike, read a book, play with your kid, phone a friend, visit your gran! That’s way more important and more fulfilling.
What are the wrong things that women focus on?
I don’t know who’s to say what’s right or wrong for other people. People find pleasure in lots of different things. For me, the constant message we get is to focus on our appearance. All the time. I think that’s wrong, because most of what we are and do in life has little to do with that. But actually, in reality, the women I know are too busy to focus on themselves – in fact, a lot of them focus on kids, work, partners, friends, way more than they do themselves. Maybe they need to focus on themselves more, but not if it’s to put themselves down!
What message can you send out to women who feel badly about themselves?
Do something you love to do instead of worrying about something you don't like. Try something new. Walk through the rain, whatever floats your boat!
This may be completely unhelpful but it has stuck with me all my life and whenever I find myself being critical of myself too much I think of this!
I’ve got a brother who’s 2 years older than me and when I was about 14 and at possibly my most self-conscious age, I remember sitting in his room complaining that I wanted to have darker skin (I am very pale and freckly), be taller (I’ve always been short) and less flat chested (AA). I loved H and M and most of their models had Gisele’s skin tone and height and a bigger bust, so that was possibly why. Anyway, he was really into Nirvana, trying to listen to his tapes, and there I was, his little sister, going on, moping about around him. After about 15 minutes he turned round and said ‘Well Hollie you never will be. You will never be tall and you will never be anything but pale and freckly. Never. Whatever you do, the outcome will be the same. So you can moan and mope and you will still be small and pasty-skinned. Or you can shut up and go and get on your bike and go see your friends. Cos it doesn’t make any difference to that’. My jaw almost fell to the floor and I obviously hated him for it at the time, mainly because I knew he was right! And now I’m 30 and I am still short and very pale and very freckly and still an A cup and if I ever find myself moping around, wishing for the impossible, I hear his moody 16 year old voice shouting at me and I go do something fun instead.
‘Big Smacking Kiss’ by Hollie McNish
This isn’t a fling,
This is every morning,
Half asleep and still yawning
I’m there
Face to face with the mirror
Imagining my skin tighter, lips bigger, bits thinner
Shaking my head at how tired I look
And pushing at eye bags like those are the proof
And there’s no one else stood
It’s just me
By myself
Wasting my minutes
When I could grab a cup of tea or a book I could finish
When I could find a new tune or run a warm bath
Phone up a friend or laugh at the sight
Of my baby now stood at my side
Smacking the mirror with kisses shed so proud of herself
And she doesn’t waste time looking down on herself
But she learns and watched and copies me so well
And I fear for an age she’ll start wasting that time
dissecting her skin or her lines or her knees and I plead
with her please don’t grow up
Till I swap my cold morning stares
To welcome each day like my daughter greet hers
Press my lips to the glass for a big smacking kiss
‘Smile’ by Hollie McNish
It’s our girls night out
We’ve spent the evening to perfect our looks
Applying gloss then licking lips
Browsing top ten beauty tips
We’ve swapped our clothes a thousand times
Painted eyes then changed our minds
Blushered up and covered lines
And after all the time we took
Laughter’s still the best look that we’ve got.
And not a cough politely type of laugh,
A proper laugh
The type that starts with stretching smiles
and pulls on lips for miles and miles
As your skin starts creasing into styles and the laughter
lines around your eyes dash out to play
Whatever look you’re going for
That’s when friends look in awe of you
When your face looks true and fills a room with laughter
You can throw away the books
that look says ‘happy ever after’
Mascara smudged on laughing cheeks, your laughter
lines now twice as deep
And you cannot care less who can see
That’s when your beauty shatters me
A look that says
When looking back