Written by LIANNA CHAMP Dip FD MBIE MBIFD MICF Certified Grief Recovery Specialist

Relationships on Female First

Relationships on Female First

We often enter romantic relationships with high expectations, full of excitement, dreams and hopes for the future. We also form relationships with extended family and friends, creating new habits and routines which soon become part of our normal lives.

When a romantic relationship ends, we can take an emotional battering that requires us to grieve just as we would following bereavement. We lose the companionship and intimacies that we have grown used to and come to depend on. We may even lose our financial or social status. We can feel a sense of failure and loss. When a romantic relationship end you will experience a sense of grief and uncertainty about the future. Questions will arise: what will life be like on my own? Will I find someone else? You may be afraid at the thought of having to start again. You may become disillusioned and try to avoid forming new relationships for fear of being hurt again.

While all this is happening you may feel and function well below par and your concentration can be greatly reduced. Your ego may have taken a real bashing.

Be honest with yourself as this is an important part of the healing process. Do not focus on placing blame or beat yourself up over any mistakes you think you may have made or wish that you had said or done something different. Try to remember - we do what we think is right at the time. Try not to hold on to regret. Look back on the relationship - use this opportunity to learn more about yourself and how you relate to others, and you may discover some areas you need to work on. Write down the positives and negatives of the relationship. Looking closely and honestly at your reactions and behaviour, including what drew you to your ex-partner in the first place, will help you to analyse the relationship, and you can use this analysis as a springboard to better choices next time.

It will help for you to share your feelings with someone you trust, asking them to listen without comment - kind of like a ‘one way conversation’.

It can make us feel very defensive if we hear someone talk negatively about the relationship, and this can cloud our judgment.

Be kind to yourself and allow yourself the privilege of grieving your loss.

Maintain a positive mindset. Nothing ever stays the same - we are constantly growing, changing and evolving. It is painful to let go of the past but try to embrace the new with an open heart.

The cloud will gradually lift as you move through your pain. Avoid using alcohol, unhealthy food etc to distract you. Use this time to cultivate new friends and introduce new activities into your life. Find something that makes you feel enthusiastic and go for it. Some days you may have to push yourself but before you know it, you will have entered a whole new phase.

Lianna Champ has over 40 years’ experience in bereavement and grief recovery. Her new book How to Grieve Like a Champ is out 07 June 2018, priced £9.99. To find out more go to: http://www.champfunerals.com/