Ah, the warm and secure coziness of the “relationship comfort zone”.  You can almost see the smug grins of family, friends and even strangers on the street as they slip effortlessly into this phase of couple contentment. 

Relationships on Female First

Relationships on Female First

According to Provident, the gym and diet were ditched 4 months after meeting, wearing make up every day is a thing of the past and we are sharing social media passwords after just 6 months.

So is this the comfort zone?  Or are we only fully comfortable when we have a pet or baby to bind us together?  According to Provident, we’ll have to wait 2-2.5 years for that.

We can’t put a date and a time on entering the zone, it’s very personal and is calculated by a unique psychological mix of our past, our experiences and our beliefs.  But once you feel you’ve reached it, the pros and cons aren’t so individualistic.

Pro’s

Secure base - we feel more able to face challenges from other areas of our lives if we feel secure in our relationship.

No surprises - as much as we might love a surprise there is something very comforting about knowing what to expect.  Fewer disappointments.

No eggshells - we can ask what we want and say what we think.  Somebody knows us well and even if they don’t agree with us, we can generally find a compromise or work it through.  Nobody is running a mile at the slightest disagreement.

Feeling vulnerable - possibly the most crucial part of any relationship.  When we are able to be vulnerable in front of our partner we can feel closer than ever.

Con’s

Less communication - communication is key to maintaining any relationship.  When we get comfortable we can feel less of a need to talk, discuss and communicate in other ways including sex.

Lose the spark - emotional intimacy, making each other laugh, finding time to talk.  They all take effort and inevitably diminish as a relationship becomes more comfortable.  Problems occur if we experience these with somebody else and it feels more exciting than our secure relationship.

Take the blame - we usually take out our life frustrations on those closest to us.  If we are very comfortable in our relationship, our partner is likely to hear all our negatives.

Bad habits - it is lovely that we feel so comfortable in each others’ company, but when we feel we can both stop shaving (typically 4.5 months according to Provident) or break wind (Provident suggests around the 5 month mark) we’ve got to wonder if “comfortable” is such an optimal life stage.

So before singles curse the supposedly blissful couples entrenched in the smug zone, it’s worth remembering that they can’t just stop making any kind of effort.  It is just a different kind of effort.  It’s called relationship maintenance and sometimes it can be harder than the fun, excitement and first flushes of the dating game.

You can find out if you are in the comfort zone with here, https://www.providentpersonalcredit.com/relationship-scale/

Written by Yvonne Filler, Relationship Expert : https://www.affairclinic.co.uk/


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