We’ve grown accustomed to dismissing men who repeatedly cheat as losers, time wasters and barely worth the emotional analysis.

Relationships on Female First

Relationships on Female First

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard a heartbroken woman, who was either addicted to a cheater, or has discovered a series of betrayals: ‘You’re better than this. Your self-esteem must have been in the toilet when you got together with him.’

But in being so dismissive about cheaters, we may be sweeping crucial evidence under the carpet. While some cheaters might be more boring than a dog-eared road map, the majority are anything but dull. Chances are they have confidence, charisma, humour – all the personality traits that make them a beacon for seduction in the first place.

What’s more, many so-called ‘ladies’ men’ are skilled at making the object of their seduction feel that they are the sole object of their affection. So, it’s no wonder that those of us who fall prey to compulsive cheaters, are completely hooked long before we see their true colours.

Now, psychometric testing by eharmony has given this theory even more plausibility. Based on our Compatibility Matching System, respondents were asked a series of questions that allowed researchers to measure how strongly they scored against key personality traits. In other words, we wanted to find out what kinds of people are wired to cheat – both men and women.

The study found that a third of Brits have strong leadership skills such as extraversion, optimism, resilience, and confidence. But this same group are not only 50 percent more likely to cheat, but more likely to be in an open relationship or polyamorous (26% vs. 10%). 

The research also showed half of leaders believe that people are usually ‘driven’ to cheating, compared with only three in 10 from the overall control group – (53% vs. 30%).Overall, motives for straying include feeling unloved by their partner (33%), while a quarter (24%) cite insecurity about their attractiveness.

Those with leadership qualities were also more likely to say that they strayed because they couldn’t resist (33% vs 30%), or due to becoming emotionally close to the person in question (25% vs 16%). Leaders are also more than twice as likely (21% vs 9%) to attribute these issues to sexual addiction.

The study also took a broader look at attitudes to cheating in the present day. It found that despite historic presumptions to the contrary, women are just as likely to cheat as men with one in three admitting to being unfaithful to their partner (32%).

It may be that powerful women are far more discreet about duplicitous romantic behaviour, especially if they feel they have more to lose. Maybe they’re better at covering their tracks.

Plus, you only to have look at the way the media treats sexually adventurous women to see they are judged far more harshly for any misdemeanours. 

By relationship expert at eharmony Rachael Lloyd


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