Dating, ideally, should be a short process; we meet someone, chat excitedly, fall in love and voila… we’ve met the one! However, this isn’t always the case and we often fall at the first hurdle, literally! First dates can be disastrous and many of us find that, despite our best efforts, we’re just not landing a second meet-up.
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To help you find love, Charlie Spokes of unique group dating website ‘My Friend Charlie’ shares invaluable insight into ‘8 reasons you’re not landing a second date’. From conversation no-goes to avoidable first date stress, these tips will help you nail the dating game.
1. The date wasn't exciting: The dating world can be a scary place! When we meet someone for the first time, we try to portray our best possible selves, but how can we do that if the date itself is dull? If the activity you’ve planned is somewhat lifeless then the two of you might not connect properly; it’s unlikely conversation will spark over a date that fails to deliver essential excitement. So, before you go on another date, think of an activity that defines you. There are so many fun things to do in London, you needn’t stick to the status quo! From chocolate tasting workshops to neon life drawing, the options are endless… do your research!
2. You started talking about your future together: Sometimes we meet someone and simply because of our bubbling excitement, we begin dreaming of the future, planning how many kids we’ll have and where we’ll put down roots. Being optimistic isn’t a bad thing, but maybe leave it a couple of dates before you start to discuss kids’ names… otherwise, you might find your date running for the door!
3. You haven't discovered the glory of group dates: Group dates are always a great idea; not only will there be no awkwardness as you’re surrounded by fellow daters, but instead of only meeting one person you can meet a variety of new singletons! At ‘My Friend Charlie’, we offer blind group date activities, so that initial first date awkwardness isn’t a killer; essentially, you sign up for the event rather than the people you’ll be meeting.
It’s important to know what your potential partner is like in a group situation, which is another added benefit of group dates. Meanwhile, first date butterflies won't get the better of you; as you’re surrounded by like-minded people and a relaxed atmosphere, you’ll undoubtedly feel at ease.
4. You rehearsed the date too much: We’re all guilty of rehearsing a date in our head, before we have even met the person… right? “What am I going to say? How am I going to act?”
Although it's good to be prepared, the date needs to flow naturally. Similarly, rehearsing conversation can entice added pressure; if it doesn't go the exact way you had planned, then you might not know what to say or panic and critique your every move. Remember that your date will be as nervous as you are, so take a deep breath and you will be fine; let conversation develop organically and see where it takes you.
5. You judged a book by its cover: So, you go on a date with a guy thinking his looks are going to match his personality, or you feel completely doomed if there’s no initial attraction… common mistakes we’re all guilty of making. Everyone has a type, there's no denying that, but the key to longevity is a connection on a much deeper level; don’t judge a book by its cover. Whether you arrive and feel chemistry from the off or find that they’re not your usual type of guy or girl, take the time to get to know your date without pressure; you might just surprise yourself, so don’t shoot yourself in the foot by giving up too soon. Similarly, don’t get carried away by looks… ask questions and understand their values, for this is crucial if you’re hoping to find ‘the one’.
6. You cyber stalked them: You can now find your date’s brother’s girlfriend’s cousin in about 5 seconds online… however, whilst this may be handy, it might freak your date out a tiny bit! You also don't want to be on edge throughout the date, worrying that you’ll slip up and randomly know the name of their best friend’s new dog. Relax and look forward to getting to know your date in person, it’s all part of the excitement!
7. You brought up the ex: An ex is an ex for a reason, they’re in the past and that's where they need to stay. You’re going on a date and that's great but trust me, no date wants to hear you talk about your ex whilst they’re trying to establish if this new relationship is for them. So, remember your ex is in the past and this date could be your future, so be present in the moment!
8. It just wasn't meant to be: Sometimes we go on dates and the famous ‘spark’ just isn't there. From time to time this happens, but don’t let it put you off the dating scene. Be positive, sometimes you have to meet a few frogs before you get your prince (or princess).
To find out more about dating website, My Friend Charlie, visit myfriendcharlie.co.uk
tagged in Dating Tips