Should I leave?

Should I leave?

We have a newcomer to our agony aunt circle- relationship psychologist Mairead Molloy and she has kindly offered to answer one of our reader dilemmas.

 

Female First discussion board member asks:

 

I have been married to a compulsive liar for 21 years. It took me 19 of those years to finally realize just HOW big of a liar he is. Two years ago I began to discover evidence of an affair (i.e. condoms in his glove box, cell phone records, recorded conversations with another woman, unexplained visits out of town to his hometown that I couldn't accompany him, the list is endless). In the middle of all of this fray, I found out he had actually hit on a young lady that used to ride to church with us. He's a "ho" too. Believe it or not I'm still with him. I became this pathetic, whimpering sack of nothing, when I made these discoveries because I thought that each time I confronted him I would get the truth and we could work on our marriage. Well the truth was not forthcoming. I believe he is still involved with this woman though I haven't bothered lately to track him. I'm fed up though. The only reason he didn't end up on Cheaters T.V. is because I didn't want to embarrass our only son by having his dad exposed on national T.V. I really should leave the b***** shouldn't I? 

 

Mairead says:

 

First and foremost, if you found condoms in the glove box and have suspicions he has been unfaithful with more than one person over the past two years, then you absolutely must confront him, on all counts.

 

The only piece of honest advice I can give you is that you shouldn’t stay in this marriage. You, which I’m sure you’re aware, are starting to look stupid because you are not only putting up with his disgusting behaviour, but you continue to do so.

 

You need to regroup and find your self-respect because by letting this continue you will start to accept it as the norm and persuade yourself it’s easier to let it go on than walk away.

 

Some people might say “poor you” because it seems you have no strength left to continue fighting him on his infidelity and offer sympathy. I won’t be one of those, that’s not what you need! Your email does not provoke emotion or a willingness on your part to act on your own situation. As it stands, it seems you are happy to put up with it, but you shouldn’t be. You need to step up and walk out and in doing so, do what’s best for yourself and your son.

 

Leave him, and don’t look back!

 


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