Sandra Peachey
“To err is human, to forgive is divine” so the saying goes, but sometimes forgiveness is downright painful, difficult and most definitely not a done deal! With International Forgiveness Day happening on the 4th of August, Coach and Writer Sandra Peachey explores how to write your way to forgiveness with a letter.
When I started writing my ‘Peachey Letters’ book 2 years ago, I never could have imagined the emotional relief I would get and the response that my letters would get. From reviving the nearly lost art of letter writing I had created a process that meant I could work through memories, emotions and incidents in my life, with the result that I was so much lighter and happier in spirit, and some how, had touched a chord with so many others too.
That is the beauty of letter writing, it is one the most personal forms of communication you can ever create, giving you the quiet opportunity to analyse and release your demons in your own time and at your own pace.
The very act of writing is opening out your thoughts, feelings and reflections and it can help us to analyse and resolve issues that have been winging endlessly round and round our brains. It also serves as a release – letting off steam in a controlled, crazy or what ever suits you kind of a way.
Once the letter is finished, you can then decide who and where to ‘deliver’ it to – be that to the subject, a trusted friend, on a blog, or indeed to be seen by no one but you. There are no rules when it comes to these letters – they are yours after all…
So letter writing is a perfect way to work through forgiveness – whether you want to forgive or be forgiven.
As I’ve already said – these are your letters, so there are no rules, yet as a coach I have found it incredibly valuable to follow a process which means that the outcome is constructive, rather than destructive. So here are my strategies for writing your way to forgiveness with a letter:
Forgiveness is an amazingly positive thing to give or to receive, so write your letter in a positive way.
First of all explore the issue, writing down what happened, how you feel, what you are thinking etc. Always ‘own’ your own feelings and responses to any given situation. See both the challenge and the good in what has happened. I realise that finding ‘the good’ can often be difficult, but this is really necessary to help you to let go and to start moving closer to your goal. As a minimum you can always acknowledge that it has shaped you and made you what you are, or you may have done something differently as a result, met some one new in your life, etc, etc.
By writing this down you are also letting it out and letting it go - leaving you lighter and freer, so that you can now give or ask for, the ultimate gift of forgiveness.
Be clear about the result that you want and ask for it outright: “I forgive you” or “I ask forgiveness” for…
Now write about what this forgiveness will do for you and your life - how it will change things, how you (will) feel and what all the positive outcomes and benefits will be. This is where you can really celebrate what it will do for you.
Read through the letter a few times, tweak or change it if necessary, and absorb its’ meaning. Consider how you are feeling now you have got it out on paper (or on computer)… So often the relief is instantaneous, but every situation and every person is different, so if you are not feeling a shift, sleep on it and then read through it again. It may be that you need to write several letters before it is truly resolved – this requires some effort, but the results will be so worth it.
If you feel the need for forgiveness, what ever the situation, I can’t recommend the process of letter writing highly enough. Through the art of writing letters, you can, quite simply, find the fabulous freedom of forgiveness.
Sandra Peachey is Coach and Writer at peachey days. Her book ‘Peachey Letters – Love Letters to Life’ is published by Panoma Press, and available on Amazon in Paperback and Kindle.