Relationships Expert, Caroline Brealey (Founder of Mutualattraction.co.uk) gives her top tips for if you are looking to say those three words but just don’t know when or how or even if.
Relationships on Female First
1) There is no right or wrong time
If you’re searching for a magic date for when it’s acceptable to say I love you, I’m afraid there isn’t one. You have to follow your heart and instinct. If you think you love them, hold on till you’re certain as they’re not words that should be uttered lightly. So, there is no right or wrong time. Unless, you’re on the first date. Then it’s definitely not the right time to say it!
2) Say it when you 100% mean it
Ever got carried away in the moment and said something you didn’t mean? Especially after a glass of wine or two! Hold off saying those 3 little words until you know that you love them without a shadow of a doubt. Not, ‘I love you 80% but I still don’t fully trust you’. Only say it when you’re bursting with love for them.
3) Who should say it first?
A lot of the time women wait for the man to say I love you first but it doesn’t have to be that way. I said it first to my partner and you know what? He didn’t say it back! It actually slipped out and, whilst I did mean it, I probably wouldn’t have said it at that moment because we had shared a bottle of wine and I wouldn’t want him to think I only said it because I was merry. I didn’t think he had heard me as I didn’t say it directly but the name day in the morning he whispered ‘I Love You’.
4) If you’re not sure he’ll say it back….
Even if you think there’s a 99% chance he will say it back, there’s always that little risk that he won’t, that he’ll be taken aback or just tell you outright the feeling isn’t mutual. Ouch! You have 2 options here. You either wait till he says it first or you gamble and take the risk. When you’re overcome with love for someone it can be hard to hold it back no matter how anxious you might be about saying it. Just think, this is what men have to go through when popping the question to us!
5) If he doesn’t say anything back….
Don’t get into a frenzy, don’t demand that he explain to you why he doesn’t love you and resist the urge to run off crying. It will probably hurt like hell. But you need to give him some time to let it sink it. There’s a chance that he doesn’t love you yet – but that he adores you and loves being with you. He might just not feel ready to say the words yet and that’s ok. Our feelings don’t always arrive at the same place at the same time. If he’s showing you he cares about you and enjoys being with you in other ways, then let him say it in his own time when he’s ready – wouldn’t you rather he wait then say it when he doesn’t truly mean it?
6) It he responds negatively….
For example he leaves, tells you he doesn’t and won’t ever feel the same and generally behaves very ungentlemanly and like an ass. Hold you head up high, get yourself home and then have a major cry and let it all out. The chances of this happening are pretty slim but sometimes people behave in unexpected ways. Sometimes people can be afraid of commitment no matter how much they love being with you or the 2 of you can have very different interpretations of where the relationship is headed. Either way, if a man disrespects you in this way you need to leave him behind and move on, no matter how difficult.
7) Remember that we all have a different threshold for love
Love isn’t measurable. We all have our own interpretation of what love is and how it feels. How do we know if it’s comparable to what someone else is experiencing? We don’t. We can talk about it though. Because we all have different interpretations of love we need to respect that for some people it will take longer to get to that point than others.
8) Forget the grand gestures
If you are going to be saying those 3 words for the first time avoid a fancy restaurant or saying it via a floating blip! Not only is it seriously cheesy but it should come from the heart with no gimmicks. Simple, low key and meaningful.
9) Don’t ask
Saying ‘I love you’ quickly followed by ‘do you feel the same?’ is a sure mood killer and chances are he’ll say ‘err… yes’ even if not! Don’t put them on the spot as it only makes you come across a little needy and desperate.
10) When you hear it back….
Whether he said it first or he responded to you, it doesn’t matter. When you hear it, it makes any worry worthwhile! Enjoy the moment, preferably with a big kiss!
Follow Caroline at www.mutualattraction.co.uk / @Matchmaker_Miss
tagged in Kiss Love First Date