Breakfast in bed!
When a child leaves home it can be difficult for partners to fall out of being parents and back into being a couple. It’s not that they are giving up their job as a parent but a lot of their responsibilities change or reduce when their child becomes independent and not living under the same roof.
It can be a very upsetting time for couples- my father described it like a death because I was no longer physically present in my parents’ lives all the time.
Couples crave for alone time when they have children and once they are given copious amounts of it again- it can be unsettling. It can be difficult to reconnect and have a conversation.
We have come up with some tips for couples who will be experiencing this in September as their children venture off to University to pave the way for their adulthood.
Time
Hobbies and interests are a great way to make the days pass without feeling like you have wasted them- but it’s still important to make time for each other. Try not to spend all of your free time doing other things, your relationship needs just as much nurturing as your books need reading. Taking a walk or having a meal with each other every night can make a huge impact on how close you feel. An opportunity for some time out from the other responsibilities in your lives can be enormously helpful. You could combine your hobbies by taking up something new like a cooking class or learning a new language so your conversation does not resort to predictable or familiar interactions.
Acknowledgement
Talk about what has happened and how you are feeling about it. It is understandable that you will miss them- try to focus on the opportunities that are ahead because you have more flexibility to do what you perhaps couldn’t before. Try to be patient with your partner as they adjust being an individual and a couple again.
Sex life
Sex and intimacy might have been reduced when your children were at home because of tiredness or other commitments for them so try to establish that physical side again. Take a bath together, light some candles at dinner or cuddle on the sofa.
Enjoyment
Try to do things you did when you first got together and discover new things too- games, weekends away, longer holidays. Try to think outside the box and aim to be silly again- you don’t have to set an example anymore.
Having an empty nest is a bittersweet time- it is the end of an era but also a new beginning. It can give you that time you need to invest in your relationship and embrace some of the 18 year old in you too!