I can tell you're having a boy/girl- Because you're carrying high or low- you don't know which is which, so you're just making it up.
What's the worst you've had?
Don't eat lemons- Your child will come out hairy! Aren't all babies born hairy?
Are you wearing pee pants? - Well you should because you're going to be peeing like a racehorse. Good to know.
If you have a C-section- Close your eyes because the doctor takes out all your organs and puts them on the table next to you to look at. All of them really? Surely they just need to deal with the relevant ones?
Boil the placenta- Because it can cure anaemia don't you know!? But watch out for the salt.
A glass and a half of wine each day- And you should be ok. Would rather not take the chance thanks.
Are you registered for a preschool? - If not it's never too early! One step at a time.
You should use nipple cream as lip balm- It's really moisturising. But it's nipple cream!
Don't lift your arms too high above your head- The umbilical cord will wrap around the baby's head and strangle it if you do that. So how have other pregnant women managed to put tops on all this time?
Avoid sugar- It makes the baby hyperactive- doesn't it make everyone hyperactive?
Don't get an epidural- Or you will tear your vagina up to your ass because you can't feel a thing. Surely it's better not to feel that happening than feeling it?!
Are you still living with the cats? If you are you need to get rid of them their cat little is poison to children! Because I'm going to feed my child cat litter instead of baby food.
A baby has the carbon footprint of 25,000 plastic bags- Think about it. How about I just get a bag for life?
Don't have sex while pregnant- You'll poke the baby right in the face and it will fear penises for the rest of its life. I'm sure if it's a girl or gay, once it hits puberty it might change its mind.
tagged in Pregnancy