Finding out your husband wants to separate is hard, but if you're up for the challenge, your marriage can be saved. Whether you saw the separation coming a mile or it came completely out of the blue, having your husband tell you he's done with your marriage is heartbreaking.
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Part of you thinks that if you could just get him to communicate or remind him of the woman you were when you first met, you could win his heart back. Is this wishful thinking? Not at all.
Marriage separation is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through, but don't give up hope just yet. If you and your husband were happy once, there is no reason why you can't be happy again. Here are eight things you should and should not do, if you want a shot at saving your marriage.
Do: talk about your marriage
If you want to learn how to save your marriage, you must be able to communicate openly and honestly with your spouse.
One Minnesota study reported the two most common reasons for couples seeking a divorce. A startling 55% of the 886 couples participating cited "growing apart" as a major cause and 53% said they were no longer able to talk with one another. This study highlights the importance of communication in a marriage.
Part of communication is listening patiently to your partner. Consider his points and strive to understand what is making him feel unfulfilled. Perhaps the answer to saving your marriage is simpler than you think. If he is feeling neglected, sexually frustrated, or unappreciated, these are all problems that you can remedy with time and effort.
Don't: beg
It's natural to be upset, even frantic when your spouse says he wants to leave you, but it's important to keep stay as calm as possible.
Showing emotion to such an earth-shattering statement is natural, plus it shows him that you care that he's unhappy. But, flying off the handle isn't going to get you anywhere.
Don't beg or make demands of him. This will put him off the idea of reconciling. Neither should you encourage friends and family to badger him to stay with you.
Your husband should come back to your marriage because he loves you and the life you built together and wants to give it a second chance. Not because his mommy said he has to.
Do: seek marriage counselling
Couples counseling is highly recommended for partners who are considering marriage separation. A counselor will provide a safe, calm, and neutral ground for couples to talk about the issues in their relationship.
A counselor will help you both to work through your emotions, such as betrayal or resentment, and help create a plan for healing.
If your husband refuses counseling, consider attending marriage therapy alone. A counselor can help you work on your issues, is a wonderful listening ear, and can give you some guidance and direction regarding your marriage.
Don't: be nasty
It's hard not to become fixated on your marriage when it is falling apart, but try to bring your best self to your current crisis.
If your husband moves out or goes to stay with someone else, don't become obsessive or controlling. Don’t cruelly keep your children from him as punishment. Don't follow them around town, send them endless gifts, stalk their email or socials, or flood them with texts and messages professing your love.
You cannot buy their love or suddenly change their mind by being in their business. This unhealthy behavior will only have you looking desperate, manipulative, or pushy. The exact opposite of how you want your spouse to see you.
Do: rebuild your relationship
In order to rebuild your relationship, you and your husband must be willing to spend quality time together. Even if you are separated, having a weekly date night can be a great way to reconnect and get to know each other all over again. The study "The Date Night Opportunity" found that couples who had a regular date night one or more times a month were less likely to get a divorce than couples who didn't.
A regular date night was also shown to increase sexual appetite, improve communication, boost marital friendship, and bring back the spark commonly felt at the beginning of a new relationship.
Don't: write off marriage separation
Was your husband the only one unsatisfied in your marriage? If you were having issues in your marriage, likely you were unhappy, too. Your husband may have just been the first one to bring up marriage separation.
If you want to save your marriage, don't write off a separation.
In some cases, parting ways for a time (with rules set in place regarding children, not dating other people during the separation, and working out your shared finances) can actually make your marriage stronger.
Separating gives your husband a chance to see what life without you would be like, and many times, it isn't the joyride he was hoping for.
Being apart gives your husband the opportunity to reflect on the marriage and miss your company.
Do: work on trust
Trust is essential for rebuilding a broken marriage. Studies show that couples who are sexually intimate naturally build a bond of trust through the release of the hormone oxytocin. If your sex life has been lacking, this could be a good way to regain part of the connection you had with your husband.
Should your husband be unwilling to have an intimate relationship with you at this point, here are some other things you can do to show him he can trust you:
- Live up to your word
- Keep his secrets
- Don't gossip
- Apologise when you are in the wrong
- Be honest in all things
If you want to learn how to save your marriage, you must be predictable to your husband in the best way possible. Show him he can trust you with his heart.
Don't: rush things
Learning how to save your marriage isn't something that happens overnight. You may want to get your family back together as soon as possible, but you must learn to be patient.
Give your husband time to see the changes you are making. Let therapy work its magic and come back together in a natural way. Your marriage will not succeed unless your husband comes back because he genuinely wants to.
Marriage separation is a tough pill to swallow, especially if you don’t want your marriage to end. Wives must rebuild trust, open the lines of communication, and seek counseling if they wish to restore their broken relationship. With these 8 tips, you can learn how to save your marriage. .
Author Bio: Rachael Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organisations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.
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