Amy asks :
I have been with my boyfriend for four and a half years now, we first got together when I was fifteen so I have grown up a lot since we have been together. Recently I have been having some serious doubts about our relationship. I love him with all of my heart and literally don't think I could live without him at this point. However we argue/bicker a lot. I feel like he doesn't fancy me and he never ever wants to have sex with me unless it is initiated by me. Quite early on in our relationship we argued quite a lot and went on quite a few breaks where I kissed a boy and also a girl. We then got back together and I proceeded to kiss another girl (all when very drunk). He forgave me for this as he did not think it was cheating as I am straight and was just living the party girl lifestyle that a lot of people my age were living at the time. However, recently I have been thinking more and more about girls. I am not a lesbian as I fancy my boyfriend massively. To the point that sometimes I can't keep my hands off of him and he gets really annoyed at me. Maybe I am bisexual? I don't know, as I can't imagine actually having sex with a girl. So this has been making me feel so guilty recently to the point that I go to bed and cry and can't sleep every night. I constantly think about whether I can be truly happy with him for the rest of my life despite the fact I would never actually end it because I have grown to love him so deeply. On top of this, I am constantly moody/ angry and just generally low recently and I don't know if this is linked to how I am feeling about my relationship. Any advice would be so much appreciated right now!
Yin replies
Arguments keep some relationships alive, as couples can thrive on a volatile relationship; however it they are big arguments each time then this does not bode well for the future. Having a lot of breaks in your relationship is the tell-tale sign that it might not last. Breaks mean that there is something strong enough to drive you apart and when you get back together then there are still the same problems there, unless one or both make significant changes.
I you have to initiate sex all the time, then it would appear that he has lost interest, however there are ways you can spice up your sex life if it goes stagnant. However, when you are making a pass at him he is resisting your advances. Perhaps try asking him what he would like from your sex life if you are coming on too strong.
Yang replies
If you can’t think about having sex with a girl then you are still likely straight, but just curious. Perhaps you were just trying to fit in with the lifestyle of your friends and needed to do it to get it out of your system. If your relationship is not going well, you are probably confused about your sexuality as a means of potentially getting out of it and having a valid reason to do so.
If you feel that it has a chance for you and your man, then Relate offer counselling for couples, to find ways to improve your situation. You could go for counselling on your own, however, really you both need to go together in order to work through this as a team. Going to bed and crying at night is no way to be, why not talk to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him how his rejection is affecting you; if you are missing sex, I’m sure he is too.
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