Hannah asks :
Me and my bf have been in a relationship for three years now. We've been really good together with occasional ups and downs like any other couple. However I noticed he was deleting messages from a girl and I found out he had been to lunch with her at work while I was on holiday. He said he didn't realise I would be upset for him to go lunch with another girl and with the txts he thought I was gonna get insecure I ask him loads of questions so felt he didn't need to mention to her. I got really hurt and after we spoke we agreed to communicate and discuss things, he new deleting messages was wrong but didn't see the harm in lunch. However last week he lied to me and told me he was at home when my friends saw him out with this girl. He went out to dinner with her and when I confronted him he was really sorry. He said it was a group dinner with his other friend and when they cancelled he panicked as he new i wouldn't want him to have dinner my himself with this girl. However he still lied to me about the dinner even when he thought this other person was coming. Since he has promised to never do it again he says he understands he's crossed the line. He's been so loving and attentive treating me amazing. He says this is how it will be forever. He is currently not talking to her and says he needs the time to learn how to speak to girls. As I get a bit jealous whereas he doesn't he would even let me go to dinner with another boy whereas I don't agree. I love him so much but dnt want to get walked all over. And don't no if to give him a second chance. I 100 percent believe he hasn't cheated but the lying still hurt me. Plz help.
Yin replies
If he deleted messages because he thought you wouldn’t like him meeting up with a girl on this own and not told you when he has seen her, he knows already that he shouldn’t be doing it. He doesn't need you to react badly to make him see that this is inappropriate. He has lied to you twice, so you have already given him a second chance and he blew this one.
You could give him a third chance but if he has done it before and you have forgiven him he may well do it again and promise the earth to you to get you to stay with him. He may not have cheated but an emotional connection and going behind your partner’s back is as good as.
Yang replies
If you really do love him you could give him a third chance, but the trust has somewhat gone already, and you will always be wondering where he is and who he is with.
Usually, if you are cheating then you are guarded about what your partner is doing and it can be an admission of guilt. So if he is not bothered about you going out for tea with another guy, then this could mean he has been faithful to you. If you truly believe that he won’t do it again then see how it goes but don’t hold your breath and don’t be a walk over.
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