Anonymous asks :

Hi Lucy,

I'm married to an alcoholic who abuses me, beats me and swears very dirty words in front of our two children. I've tried everything from calling the cops on him to involving our families. The neighbours have talked also because they see everything he does to us. He's been quiet for about a month now, stopped abusing me, but I don't trust him because he's still drinking and I'm worried he might do it again, also I'm worried for my kids. What if the abuse damages their behaviours as they grow up because we never went for counselling? I don't have love for him anymore but part of me still wants to give it a try as he is the breadwinner and I'm jobless and he is my kids’ father. Please help and put some sanity in my mind. I feel depressed and angry with myself for staying with an abuser. 

Our Reply

Hi Anonymous,

You have acknowledged the situation which is a huge step in this process- now perhaps it’s time to seek some help.  

Have you tried to seek support from friends about this? You mention family; however is there someone you can turn to to talk about your feelings? Or offer you a place to stay if you need somewhere to go if you feel unsafe in his company?

I can provide you with some valuable sources of help who specialise in this area to get some support- just click through and see if any of them feel right for you:

http://refuge.org.uk/

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

http://www.advanceadvocacyproject.org.uk/

http://www.respect.uk.net/

All of these registered charities have a means of contacting them to speak to their team of professionals about any of the above. If your other efforts have not worked, such as calling the police and getting help from your respective families then it is certainly worth giving any of the above organisations a try.

If you feel your children need counselling you can get a referral at your local doctors to see a professional, which usually compromises of 6 sessions, and you can apply for more if necessary. You can also apply for yourself given that you say you feel depressed and angry. 

If you need any more information, please don’t hesitate to contact me again.

Lucy x

 


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