I am being bullied at work and nothing is being done about it- can you help?

22 April 2022

Anonymous asks:

Hi there I need advice, I am being bullied at work terribly. For months untrue rumours have been spread about me and continuous comments about my appearance are brought up to me. People will come and tell me ‘ this person said this’ etc . It’s all very immature. I am constantly stared at and laughed at, it’s not in my imagination. It’s gotten to the point where I’m so stressed my hair is falling out. I have reported this to my manager multiple times but this isn’t enough to stop it. And HR won’t help me. I am a 20 year old slim woman yet people are constantly talking about my weight saying I am fat or chubby. For example yesterday I had to change my work top as I had spilled something down it and my colleague had to show me what shirts they had available. He asked me what size I was in which I stated ‘8’ and he laughed and said ‘no you’re not’ to which I replied ‘yes I am!’ He then proceeded to hold the top against my shoulders and stated ‘that will never fit your chubby frame’. I then seized the size 8 top out of his hand and went to the changing room. Low and behold it fit me and I walked out. He just laughed. That is just a snapshot of things that happen regularly and I know it may be insignificant to some but it’s triggered thoughts of my eating disorder again. I am planning to stay for another month just so I can gather some savings. I’ve applied for other jobs but no one will have me. How can I make this last month bearable and ignore these comments. My confidence is so low.

Relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “I am delighted to hear that you don’t view this job as a long-term option and are planning to leave after four weeks. This firm sounds awful with HR policies and staff living in the dark ages. This kind of bullying was common in workplaces ten years or so ago but we have woken up in the last decade and most responsible employers take accusations of staff bullying incredibly seriously and stamp out such behaviour quickly when alerted. Clearly that is not happening where you work and we will have to deal with the situation that you face.

fabio camandona / Alamy Stock Photo

“The best way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them and tell them that you are threatened by their behaviour. I urge you to carry on complaining and stressing both to HR and your direct manager that this behaviour is unacceptable. When it happens, make an immediate note of what was said by whom, to whom and explain why you feel this behaviour is intolerable. If your immediate manager won’t take your complaints seriously, is there anyone higher up you can contact? Only do this with the clearest possible breach of acceptable HR codes because you don’t want to be accused of being a trouble-maker. Any decent firm would view such a complaint with the utmost seriousness and would take action against the perpetrators.

“Good luck in finding a new job. The good news is that the economy is booming again following the Covid crisis and lots of firms are looking for new staff. You say that ‘no one will have me’ but I am sure if you are persistent and keep looking something will come up. Obviously be careful to choose the right job next time - somewhere there is a nurturing, not bullying culture.

“Take a good look at yourself and your own behaviour before starting the next job. The last thing we want is this happening again. You say that for months ‘untrue rumours have been spread about me.’ The villains here are the people spreading those rumours. I know it is easier said than done but try to ignore the gossip-mongers when they come up to you saying, ‘This person said this.’ Make it clear you are not interested. I suspect that your reactions currently are encouraging them and they enjoy seeing your distress.

“You are highly sensitive and vulnerable and need to be in a work environment that does not exacerbate your insecurities. Clearly your current employer has failed you very badly but not all firms are like that and I am very hopeful that you will soon find a job where you can thrive.”