Can we work out our differences?

Anne asks :

Dear Lucy,

I had been married to my ex-husband for fifteen years and have been divorced for approx. 25 years. I brought up two children from this marriage on my own after my ex did a disappearing act to avoid paying maintenance and they are both now very confident adults. I have been with my current partner for nearly five years. He has never been married and, like myself, has had very few previous relationships. His longest previous relationship has only been two years. We have been living together for the last two years and in this time he has packed his bags three times and threatened to leave, saying that I am over-critical. I am, admittedly, a perfectionist and I think he is being very unfair. I am a nurse and he has also stated that he thinks nurses and teachers are very arrogant. I think this stems from the fact that none of his family have any formal qualifications and are very working class. Sometimes he seems to take things as criticisms when they were never meant to be and there have been times when I have had to rack my brains to remember the occasion he is talking about. I do make sure that I hand out plenty of compliments as well. I am now finding myself trying hard not to say anything that may be taken as a criticism. His family are very "close" and I have tried very hard to incorporate them into my own life. However, as his family all get together on a weekly basis and, as my family (including my own children) are scattered worldwide, I find this necessity to see each other so often rather stifling. My partner has four siblings and I also find it strange that not one of them has ever been married. My partner informed me a year ago that marriage is something that he has never considered and was not considering (that made me feel really good). I have three siblings and all of us have married, mine being the only one that has ended in divorce. He rarely tells me he loves me and when he does it is usually because I have said it first. If I remember correctly, there have only been two occasions when he has said it first. I have promised myself that the next time he packs his bags I will let him go and not ask him to change his mind. Having said all this, he is the loveliest man I have ever met and I would like things to work out between us but I could go on and on about our differences. Is it me or is it him? And am I trying to flog a dead horse?