Can you be in love with two people at the same time?

17 June 2021

Anonymous asks:

I have been married for 18 years and was very happy.

My husband and I started to not appreciate each other and I felt my life was boring as my two kids were always out with friends and my husband works away a lot.

I felt I was too young to feel lonely.

A guy I knew for years messaged me out the blue one night and we started messaging and overstepped the mark.

He told me he loved me and I told him I did too.

I did think I loved him however now he has left his wife for me and I have ended my marriage and came clean about texts. I think I could have made a big mistake and now doubting my feelings for him. Was it just the excitement and attention I loved?

We got on so well and just clicked.

This happened so quickly. . . . 12 weeks to be exact.

My husband and I still live under the same roof until other arrangements have been made and he has started to make me realise how much he loves me.

Now we’re going our separate ways I am worried I am leaving him for someone else that can offer me a good life but I probably could not love him like my husband.

This other guy is besotted with me and has been left with nothing after walking from wife and kids.

So I feel I need to stick to my word and be with him.

I am scared as I know my husband will move on and it kills me as I still love him and if I end it with this other guy it will also kill him too as he is not strong enough. What do I do?

I actually think I do love two guys and will hurt them both no matter what path I choose.

Sex and relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “Take it from me, most marriages are imperfect but basically good. You take the rough with the smooth and you ride out those rough patches because what you share together is important and you put the needs of your kids first.

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“I think the way out of this mess is to end things with your lover and stick with your husband. I don’t see you living happily ever after with your lover if you are going into this new relationship with this many doubts - a new relationship that has still not got physical and appears to have been conducted by text!

There is one big proviso here, though: only go down this route if you are prepared to NEVER see your lover again and you can envisage a future with your husband without having further affairs.

You started this first affair because you felt a little neglected and the distance caused by your husband’s work created an opportunity. The key point here is that, before that, you were very happy with your husband for 18 years. That is a good marriage by any yardstick.

It is disappointing that you could have not resolved the problems you were having without resorting to an affair. It is an obvious thing to say, but you should have spoken to your husband more and stressed to him how he needed to work harder at the marriage and make you feel loved in the way he did earlier in your marriage.

It is to your husband’s enormous credit that he has forgiven the affair and is prepared to have you back even as you prepare to leave him for this other man. Don’t leave your husband. Call a halt to this affair and properly commit to your husband.

We all make mistakes and, yes, you have made a mistake, but one that can be put right. It can only be put right if you are prepared to be faithful to your husband and not carry on seeing him and this other man at the same time.

My fear is that you will go back to your husband and then start another affair when the going gets a little tough further down the line.

If a part of you knows that might happen, then you owe it to your husband to make a clean break because no one deserves that level of heartache. But I think you know that your husband is a good man and is worth sticking with. Give him the love he deserves and stop messing around with other men.

“That just leaves your lover, who is stuck in limboland waiting for you, having left his wife and kids. I doubt his wife will be as forgiving as your husband if he wanted to turn back the clock and he could be left on his own if you end the relationship. That, frankly, is not your concern. Your concern is getting your marriage back on track for the sake of your loving and incredibly forgiving husband and your children, and leaving this whole sorry mess behind.”

Jessica is a sex and relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com

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