Ritu asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am in love with a guy 6 years older to me. We have been very good friends since 2 years, and I fell in love with him a year back. Also, a year back, he moved to Singapore for work. Recently (December) he told me over a text message that he likes me, and wants to date me, but does not want a long distance relationship. A few days later, he said that there could be nothing more than friendship between us. I felt devastated on being friend-zoned so horribly. After that, I broke contact with him, and then he messaged me himself. I thought he was confused, and decided to give him a chance. Now again, he has broken communication with me. I too did not message or try to contact him. I am trying to move on. But it is difficult. Even though we were never in a relationship I feel a sense of being betrayed. Because before leaving for Singapore, our friendship had reached a beautiful stage. This distance has created a void in our friendship also. And unfortunately, I think I might weaken if he comes back and says that he likes/loves me, because even now, I love him. What should I do about it?
Our Reply
Hello Ritu,
It sounds very difficult to feel as if you have lost a lover and friend together.
His behaviour is very back and forth and it seems like its messing with your emotions not knowing what he wants and where you stand.
Perhaps if he comes back and says he loves you it might be best to ask for a friendship. He could change his mind again and leave you heartbroken. If you are feeling as you are now- this could only get worse if you form a bigger attachment to him. If your friendsip is so strong- then perhaps there is something to hold it together still left. It all depends if you can go back to being friends after the way he has acted towards you of late.
Is he coming back for good or just to visit? If he is staying then his argument for refusing to have a long distance relationship might not stand and give you a chance to explore something more.
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