Bob asks :

Hi Lucy,

Recently a male that works with my fiancée told him he fancies her and that she has a nice bottom. She never told me this we recently went on a break for 1 week to give each other time apart. She told me that she had been to a house party with people from work and that she had slept in the same room as this guy but different beds due to the fact it was a bunk bed. The guy was sleeping with his girlfriend who he got back with a couple of nights before the party. I find it quite weird that she would sleep in the same room as him knowing what he said to her. I do trust her as she said nothing happened but I feel as though the whole situation was wrong. She disagrees with me and says it was nothing, as his girlfriend was there but they were alone for 1 hour... what should I do or say? Please help

Our Reply

Hi Bob,

It seems like you do trust her but you don’t trust him in this situation and are frustrated by the fact that she is not acknowledging how much you are bothered by it.

With regards to the comment, even if in a relationship, when someone tells you that they find you attractive, it’s a confidence booster. A little pick me up that reminds you that you are still attractive even though you are taken, is an ego lift. This does not necessarily mean that she has done anything behind your back or that she has cheated on you- just that she enjoyed the compliment. Perhaps this situation has highlighted something in your own relationship that needs work. Maybe you should tell her how attractive you find her more often- if this is something that has slowly depleted in your relationship then maybe it’s time to start it up again. People, especially women, can feel like they are being taken for granted when their partner doesn’t compliment them anymore- it makes them feel less attractive, loved and wanted.

If she is not seeing it from your point of view it is likely because she genuinely didn't think that it was an issue. If she has no interest in him then sleeping in the same room makes no difference to her. If she had kept this from you then this could be an indicator that she was ashamed of something but she didn’t- she was truthful about it. She likely didn’t tell you about the comment because she might have known that you would react in the way you have. Men are very protective over their women- it’s instinctive when another man comes on the scene. You are completely normal for feeling this way- but perhaps try to trust your gut that tells you that above all else you do trust her.

 


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