Amy asks :

Hi Lucy,

I really like this guy from work and we have hung out and we just clicked. The problem is he is in a complicated relationship and I still want to pursue him. I don’t care about the girlfriend which sounds terrible but she is screwing him over as she has kept him a secret the whole time they have been going out and she has moved in with her ex! He is hurt and doesn’t like the situation or trust her. I would never do this to him and he deserves better. The girlfriend has a medical condition that causes her to be in and out of hospital so he feels there is never a right time to bring up the subject to her or try to break it off as he feels bad. I want him to be happy and need advice on what I can do and what he should do. Thanks

Hi Amy,             

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

You say that his relationship is ‘complicated’ already, so if you joined in then this could complicate things even more for him and for you. Why not be his friend until he is free of this relationship and you could both start a clean slate together?

If you give him advice on what to do or push him into something too fast and it goes wrong, he might resent you for it. That is not a good way to start a relationship, so perhaps be a support for him while he makes some decisions on what he wants to do.

In terms of him- there is never a good time to break up with someone, however sometimes people need to be a little bit selfish to be happy in the long term. If she has moved in with her ex, then it doesn’t sound like she has much regard for his feelings, so perhaps he needs to bite he bullet and break things off with her. If she is back with her ex then he can potentially be responsible for taking care of her and her hospital visits, rather than the guy from work. 


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