Rosie asks :

Hi Lucy,

My ex is coming home from Canada in two weeks to be with me. He is giving up everything he has and the life he has made for himself just for me. But I don't feel happy, surely I should? I have my own routine now and I'm happy and content, happier than I was when we were together, I'm not sure I want him back! I don't know how I decide what it is I want, I would like all our future plans, just not now, I don't know how I tell him.

Hi Rosie,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

This is a difficult thing to tell him, however if you don’t then you might affect his future happiness too.

Being single is all about having your own routine and way of life and including anyone in that habit is going to be difficult. If you know right away that you are not ready to include someone in your life, then this could mean that you become openly resistant to it and put up barriers. That said, if there are some things you want to keep the same then perhaps tell him this just before or once he arrives so you still have some space nad you time.

If your partner is coming back after a long time to be with you then, yes- it is generally a happy occasion- if you don’t feel happy then this could be a sign that it’s not the right thing to do.

How far is he along with his preparations to come back? If you tell him now, he might have time to reverse any plans he has already made.

If you were happier single than with him, then maybe you are not ready for any relationship right now and enjoy being on your own at this point in your life.

Could you suggest that you both live your separate lives a little longer before you settle down and commit? Or perhaps you are simply better off without each other? Why did you break up in the first place? Maybe you are afraid that these problems will resurface if you get back together?

If you talk to him and stress the benefits to both of you- then he might look upon it more favourably than if you were only to think of how it will affect you.

If you wait until he arrives to tell him then it could be far worse than if you nip it in the bud now.  Or you could try it and see how things go- maybe it could be easier than you think and it's just the pressure of all the newness that is making you look more towards the negatives.

 


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