Joanne asks :
Hi Lucy,
I recently got back in touch with a guy from school; I’ve not seen him in 19 years. We went out last week and got on like a house on fire. He had his arm around me some of the night and even held my hand but that’s all we did. We had so much fun and the next day he even came back to mine to help me fix my car.
He made it clear he was happy being single and is not ready for a relationship. He asked me what I wanted and I said I don't need any more complications as the past 10 months have been hell for me in every aspect of my life.
He then asked me out again and has messaged me regularly before we go out next week. However there have been some flirty texts going on between us such as him wanting a kissing competition etc.
My friend also interfered and asked him what his intentions are with me and he basically made it clear he doesn't know me yet as last time we saw each other we were 16. He also said to my friend he doesn't know if I want him anyway as I know what he is like (he loves his single life).
I really like him and can't stop thinking/hoping that this will turn into more. I panic in case he is going to cancel next week but he has made me laugh and we have the same personality. We have so much in common but I just don't know how to deal with this. I'm scared I’m going to get hurt but equally want more than just friendship. I panic when I haven't heard from him for a while and hate feeling like this over a man...I just can't stop thinking about him. Help!!
Hi Joanne,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It sounds like this man has become a light in your life at a time that you describe as 'hell'. Perhaps you getting along so well has made you drawn to this friendship more than you normally would be because you have had such a bad time of things lately.
Only after you told him you don't want any complications in your life did he ask you out again, so he may be under the impression that you like your single life too.
If this isn't the case then perhaps you need to be honest with him when you meet up next. It sounds like he is attracted to you if he is suggesting kissing you, but he may want nothing more than a fling.
If you are afraid of getting hurt then talk to him about your position and take things from there. If he has offered his feelings on relationships from the beginning then perhaps he won't change his mind and was hoping you would have the same attitude towards romance.
If your friend has intervened then perhaps they are worried about you if they know how he is with women.
If he makes you laugh and you have a lot in common then you could try and make a friendship of this if he never wants to settle down. It is beneficial to spend time with people who make you happy, so him being in your life might be the you thing to help you heal from the recent past. I suppose the question is- do you enjoy his company enough as a friend without the potential of something more down the line?
tagged in Relationship single kissing
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