Pam asks :
Hi Lucy,
I recently came home unannounced to find my son having oral sex with his friend (male). They didn’t notice me and I was watching them for a while and I have to say it was pretty hot and heavy. Anyway they didn’t see me and I let them continue. He is 18 and old enough to do as he pleases. I asked his sisters about this after as I had no inkling and they stared laughing saying he is a ‘gay boy’ and they've known for ages. I had always heard them calling him gay names for a long time but never thought anything of it, just that it was the usual words exchanged between siblings. Should I broach the subject with my son now or leave it be? Pam
Our Reply
Hi Pam,
It can be quite a shock as a parent when you discover that your child is sexually active- even more so when an act reveals that their sexuality is different from what you thought it was.
If your daughters have known for a while then perhaps that means that he has come out to them, however might find it hard to do the same with you.
You could talk to him about this-this could be the opportunity that you have needed to break the ice. However, telling him what you saw might embarrass him so maybe you could take another avenue into the conversation instead. It’s not the act that you appear to be troubled over but simply that you are surprised you didn’t recognise his sexual preferences before now.
If you show you understand and are supportive while you talk to him about it then he should be assured that he can come to you with this and other things in the future too.
Not talking to him might make him less inclined to tell you until he is in something serious. If this relationship has some potential then maybe he will feel comfortable enough to introduce him to you and feel he can be more himself around you and the rest of the family.
tagged in yin and yang agony aunt
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