Amy asks :

Hi Lucy,

Me and boyfriend have been going out nearly four years now and ready to move in together and take the next step. But lately we've been arguing. I feel I need to decide if he's the one as four years is a long time. We have both made mistakes over time and forgiven each other but forgetting isn't as easy. My boyfriend is laid back and never sees the harm in anything. He's a natural flirt and I have had to repeatedly ask him to draw the line. He says as long as he never actually does anything where’s the harm. However also he lies quite naturally to other people and that worries me. He once started texting another girl and deleted the messages and then lied to me and went to dinner with him when I found him out. I now don’t know if I can trust him. He has also sent a flirty message to another girl before that. He said he never meant it as a come on it was a joke and I do believe him. But I felt he crossed the line with the whole dinner thing. He stopped speaking to this girl but says she was his best friend and asked my opinion if he could speak to her. He says he knows he has hurt me and after a little break I forgive him. But now I'm not sure I did. I'm worried he will do it again as he naturally flirts and also I don’t know if I want him speaking to her. I know it will annoy me but I don’t want to hold him back from a friend. He said he lied to me because he didn't want the grief. Together we have spoken so much about this and I know I have to question him less and he knows he has to set boundaries. But I don't know what to do and I seem to get annoyed with him at the littlest thing. But I love him so much.

Our Reply

Hi Amy,

Moving in with someone is a big step so both of you will likely be a little concerned about whether it will work living under the same roof.  People tend to over analyse their entire relationship to figure out if it’s the best idea.

That said, it sounds like you were concerned about the trust you had for him before this, with flirty texting, the lying and the dinner with another girl.

If he is more aware of his boundaries and you are questioning him less, then it seems that you have both made a positive step to try and get past this.

Perhaps hold off on moving in together until you are absolutely sure that you can trust him again. While your relationship is still in a fragile state- moving in might just tip it over the edge. Four years is  a long time to be with someone but the strength of your relationship and thrust exchanged is far more important than ticking off another year.

 


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