Fiona asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have a long held belief that I want to be married before I have children. I'm 27 and my partners 30. We're hoping to be married in 2015 as this is the earliest we can go abroad to get married which is cheaper than the UK because I have a big family. My partner is now worried that he's getting older and wants to start trying for a baby now. I can't seem to articulate why I want to be married before I have children. We are stable and have been together for 7 years but it's a value I've always had and would be really disappointed to be pregnant before my wedding. I understand it might take a while to conceive but we're both fit and healthy so hopefully it will be ok. How can I put it into words so he can see my perspective.
Hi Fiona,
Agony Aunts on Female First
This sounds very frustrating, that you are finding it hard to express your feelings on the matter of marriage before children.
This is a belief that a lot of couples still hold today, despite many traditions fading. You have already said that this is a long held belief- does he have any long held beliefs that he would not break for you? Perhaps highlight those things that he would not deviate from and then he might have a better understanding of why this is something you take very seriously.
Disappointment is a strong word to perhaps say to him- no loving partner would want their loved one to feel disappointed in themselves or their actions because of something their partner wants.
It is true- you are not getting younger and the older you get, some couples do find it more difficult to conceive. In terms of time it is a year and a half, which is not necessarily a massive amount of time to wait. The expense of paying for the wedding and the baby coming along could be a huge strain on you both financially. So if you work out how much doing both in a close time frame would cost, then this might not be something you practically could do.
You don’t have to be very articulate in your justification, some things are simply engrained in us from being young and a lot of people follow in their parent’s footsteps. If your partner loves you enough, then he should respect your wishes and bring a child into the world with you when you are both ready to.
tagged in Pregnancy children Wedding Partner Lucy Walton Baby UK abroad married yin and yang agony aunt
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