Lisa asks :

Hi Lucy,

Recently my best friend and I had sex. We've been best friends for 5 years, even though he is moving to Germany with the army. We were both very drunk one evening, and I'm not 100% sure on what happened. I know I came onto him, but it's been made even more complicated by an emotional outburst the same evening. He told me he's always loved me and always had feelings for me. This really freaked me out and I told him the morning after I really didn't want to talk about it. But now all I can think about is what he said. He's the ideal kind of man, I've seen him in a relationship before and he's a true gentleman. On top of that, over 5 years he's seen me get my heart broken on numerous occasions, and he's never been judgemental; he really has been sweet. I have no idea how to talk to him about this, considering he's being deployed in a month or so. I don't want to ruin our friendship over a relationship that may or may not work out. I also have worries that he only said those things because he was drunk, especially since he's slept with a lot of different women!

Our Reply

Hi Lisa,

If he is being sent to Germany for the foreseeable future then perhaps protect yourself and him and try to be friends during this time. When he comes back then that could be the better moment to try for a relationship if that is what you both want. Starting something up now will only put a huge barrier in your way so soon into being a couple and probably won’t give you a good start and foundation to work upon. If he leaves and you have some time apart then you can both think about what you want from your relationship, without your judgement being clouded as it was the other night. Also if he has slept with a lot of other women then you don’t need to worry about him cheating on you while he is away either. That said he might have only that way because he has never found the one.  

People do tend to be more affectionate when they are drunk, but it also makes them more open about their feelings, so it may be that he was telling you the truth.

If you don’t talk about it then it might be something that is always lingering in the background when you meet up or talk- so maybe chat to him and ask him if what he said to you is what he meant or if the drink was talking.

Either way if you talk to him and find out where you both stand then you can go your separate ways with a clear head and expectation of what the future holds for you as a couple or as friends. 


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