Sazza asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have had this massive crush on this guy for years now. The problem is, he hates my guts because that is the norm in my little farm town. He is not good looking at all, what most people would say is ugly. But he has a great personality and I love that about him. Every time I send one of my friends who are close to him to negotiate, he disses me. Each time it hurts and makes me feel as if I am annoying, ugly and 'just a weird chick' like he says I am. But I forgive him because I like him - a lot. Still, it breaks my heart each time. What do I do?
Hi Sazza,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Your issue here might be that you are sending your friends to talk to him instead of doing it yourself. Perhaps he does not want to tell your mates how he feels about you so he opts for something hurtful instead- typical playground politics. If you like a girl you tease her.
Maybe if you have had a crush on him for so long, you should approach him yourself and then he can tell you to your face if he likes you or not. That way you can explore a relationship with him if he returns your affections or you can move on and look for someone else who is attracted to you in the same way if not.
Perhaps if he senses the comments that people are making about him and his looks, he might be doing this because he is afraid you will do the same. He may be insecure and so uses hurtful words so he doesn’t have to show his vulnerability to anyone in case he is going to be the butt of the joke in the end.
Perhaps if you got to know him little better, spent some time with him and not involve your friends, it could help you to build trust between you and help things along. Maybe you could try being his friend first so you can see what it feels to be like in each other's company before taking it further.
However, if you find that after making the effort with him- he still says hurtful things to you then it might be time to walk away and find someone who will make you feel good about yourself not ‘ugly’ or ‘weird’ like you feel now.
tagged in Friends Love yin and yang agony aunt
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