Losi asks :
Hi Lucy,
I'm 33 and my wife is 31 I've been with her for 14 years and married for nearly 8 of that, we have two children 7 & 4. My wife has just finish university and has started her first year as a teacher and it has consumed her life, not so much our children but she now has absolutely no time for me anymore, nothing has happened to affect our relationship as far as I know she just lost interest in me. It's been nearly 2 years since we've had sex but as she was busy with university and training I've never pushed the issue, I've now basically started losing interest in her and don't know what to do next.
Hi Losi,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Have you talked to her about the way you feel? Perhaps sit down with her and talk about how you have supported her through her training and now she is qualified- ask her if you can you try to work as a team to make some more time for you both as a couple?
If you are missing her, chances are she is missing you- but if she has got into the habit of not making much time for you- it will be hard to change back without the realisation and some effort.
If she can make time for the children then it is arguable that she can make time for you too if you love each other.
Bodies can forget how good sex can feel so perhaps you could arrange a weekend away or ask someone to look after your children so you can have a night to yourselves and remind each other who good things can be again.
If she is wrapped up in her new job- it may be easy for her to be one track minded if she is still learning new things and settling in. Perhaps it just takes you to make her realise that her job is not everything and that you have been patient, but feel you need more from her now. Relationships are about give and take and perhaps at this point the roles need to reversed a little.
It will be challenging if your wife has been a housewife up until this point. She might feel a new sense of purpose as someone other than a mother and a wife- it might have changed the dynamic of your relationship if you are both career minded now when perhaps you were not at first. Maybe you could ask her how she feels your relationship has changed and how you can work to adapt to this change in circumstances.
If you struggle to get back on track then maybe some relationship counselling could help you to communicate better about this difficult point.
If you have lost interest do you think that with some attention from your wife again you could get that back? If there is the slightest hope then it might be worth trying to overcome this. It might be recoverable- if not then at least you can say you tried everything you could to rekindle the romance in your partnership.
tagged in children University wife yin and yang agony aunt
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