Sophie asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've been married for almost 2 years now and have been with my husband for 8 but shortly after we got married he started being very secretive and stopping out all the time. We have a 4 year old son together and another baby on the way but I just can’t trust him. He says he’s stopping at a friend’s house yet me nor his family know who this friend is and when we have asked for his address so that in case of an emergency we can find him he’s avoided giving it to us. When he stops there he turns his phone off so no one can get in touch with him and doesn’t turn it back on until he is on his way home. I was ill recently and he took my son to stop at this alleged friend’s house as I was too ill to look after him. When they came back the following day my son said that they had stopped at a woman’s house who I know of but have never met and that daddy stopped in her bed. When I confronted my husband he denied it and said that my son was lying. I have talked to him about how all of this makes me feel and expressed my concerns that he might be cheating and he has promised there is nothing going on and that things will change yet it carries on. What more can I do I’m at the end of my wits and can’t carry on like this please help!
Hi Sophie,
Agony Aunts on Female First
This sounds like a very insecure place to be when you have you have two different sides of the story from two people you love.
All I would say is that at 4 children don’t generally have an agenda, they say things how they see it without much concern over the consequences, so he might have seen something he shouldn’t or he might have misunderstood what was happening.
Have you suggested counselling? Trust is a major part of any relationship and if you can’ t trust your husband then something needs to happen so you can. Honesty is also very important and if he can’t tell you the truth then you have two big pieces of the puzzle missing here.
Have you asked him how he would feel if you were going off without telling anyone and not being contactable for that time? Not to mention the worry; but if nothing is going on, then he is making it look suspicious by not giving you or his family details of his whereabouts. Have you talked to his family about your concerns? If you are having them then chances they are too. Perhaps they could talk to him for you and encourage him to come clean?
If you feel that you have tried every avenue then perhaps it’s time to look into having some time apart to make him realise how much this is affecting you.
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