Ben asks :

I suspect my wife is having an affair with a mutual friend but not sure. The friend and I are out of the country although my wife is not supposed to know he's here with me. My family is in our country On one occasion, I deliberately did not pick her calls for two days. The day after the friend called me to ask a strange and unimportant question. The first thought on my mind was that he was checking up on me. Last week Wednesday night I had a quarrel with my wife over the phone and didn't speak with her throughout Thursday. On Friday she called but I had switched off my phone so I wouldn't know when she called. I finally switched on the phone on Saturday morning and a voicemail had been left by my friend asking me to call him back when I got the message!! I called my wife and asked bluntly if she was having an affair with the guy and she denied it. I threatened to confront the guy and she said I'd be making a fool of myself and that she hadn't even seen him in over a year, stating specifically the last time she saw him which was a day she knew I would remember. About an hour later she called me and to sort things out and make up but never asked if I called the guy. Yesterday, I called the guy saying I was returning his call that sounded urgent and again all he asked was rather strange and inconsequential. I am angry because I feel he's keeping tabs on me. It occured to me that he'd been putting more effort into our friendship in the past by checking up on me. Now I feel he's been doing it to keep tabs on my whereabouts. He's wife and kids are in another country so he's alone in in our home country and present location. I know his wife and kids and they used to visit us more than we visited them when we were all in our home country. We lived close to each other. Please tell me what you think is going on. I get really angry and physically ill when I think something could be going on. I am desperately looking at possible ways of catching them should anything be going on. Please help.

Yin replies

There are several tell tales sign that your wife may be having an affair. If she is pulling away from you and not being as affectionate, because she is getting it from someone else that is giving her some attention this is often the most obvious. When was the last time you had sex or kissed?

Is she constantly on her phone? If so she could be texting this guy, could you have a sneaky look at her phone and check?

Has she made any plans to go out with people she has seen in a long time, sometimes this can be a cover for seeing him. Are you in contact with any of her friends, if she says she is going out, you could text/ call them with something that you need to speak to her about while they are ‘out’ and if she is not there ask her when she returns where she has been.

Yang replies

Is she nagging at you more than normal? Often women nag more because they feel the need to justify why they are playing away- that their home life is so unbearable with you.

Have you noticed any strange smells? Usually there will be traces of the other person in the form of smells. Have you smelt another aftershave on her?

Is she taking more pride in her appearance? Usually if she is playing away she will aim to make as much effort as when you were first together, so more haircuts, new underwear, more attention to her make up could all be signs she is dolling herself up for him.

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