I have made sacrifices, why won't my husband do the same?

10 December 2020

Anonymous asks:

Hi, I would like your opinion on a situation that I’m in.

I live in Australia with my husband of 32 years, (together 40 years).

He was raised in Australia from the age of 2 to 12 then he returned back to the UK and met me at school.

He has always considered Australia his home.

I on the other hand have not and have been here in Australia for 14 years now (my third attempt).

My problem now is our 3 children are all grown- one even has her own child and another lives in another state of Australia.

They are happy and thriving and basically living their lives.

I am miserable here and find the heat unbearable and to be honest feel I have done my time here.

I have expressed this to my husband and have tried to talk about returning to the UK, but he does not respond, he basically ignores me.

It’s getting to the point where I cannot even mention the UK anymore.

I gave up everything in the UK to make my husband (who was very sick and his one desire was to return back to Australia to live a different life) and children happy, but made my life very unhappy.

I do not want to sound selfish and ungrateful but I feel very let down by my husband as when he was unwell I helped him and supported him, but do not feel I get the same from him.

How can I get through to him about the way I’m feeling and get him to listen instead of shutting down?

Relationship expert Jessica Leoni said: “This is a really tough one. I think there is very little chance of you persuading your husband, at this stage in his life and with his children in Australia and his health not great, to up sticks, emigrate and start a new life in the UK. He has done that already once - albeit when he was a kid and had no say in the decision as a two-year-old - and he is not going to do it again. He is an Aussie and, perfectly reasonably, he wants to carry on living in the country where he feels most comfortable and where he is closest to his kids. You’re a Brit and, also perfectly reasonably, you feel that you have made huge sacrifices for your husband and you feel the time is right for him to put you first and move back to the UK where you feel most at home. I’m telling you now: it aint gonna happen.

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“You have two choices. You can stay in Australia, where you find the heat unbearable and where the tensions with your husband will only grow. Your one consolation - and it is a big one - is that you will remain relatively close (Australia is a huge country) to your children and will be able to maintain regular physical contact with them. Or you can leave your husband and your children and start a new life again in the UK. I am not in a position to judge which is the right decision for you. Only you will know that - deep down in your heart, you will know. You can try all you like to persuade your husband to make this move with you but I would be very surprised if he budged.

“Given that you have been with your husband for 40 years, you must both be at least in your mid to late 60s, possibly older. Starting a new life here on your own away from your kids at that age is a huge ask for you. Only you will know if you can pull it off. Yes you will still see your children but they will be halfway around the world. That physical separation will be really tough. I wish you luck in whatever you decide, but bear in mind that your dream of persuading your husband to give up what he has and return to the UK with you is never going to happen.”

Jessica is a relationship expert for the dating site, IllicitEncounters.com

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