Honey asks :
Hi Lucy,
Why is my mum so angry? My mum has been very angry this past couple of months. I think she's started going through the menopause. I can't do anything and she starts an argument, although she reckons she's never in the wrong. She's such a hypocrite and is very childish too. I'm moving out from the family home soon to live with my boyfriend and I think jealousy may be something to do with it.
Hi Honey,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Perhaps you moving out has caused such an extreme reaction. Having a child move away from the family home is almost like a grieving the loss of a loved one- you won’t be there anymore and she may be anticipating the void she will feel. Perhaps try to keep this in mind when she gets angry, she may just be upset at the situation not with you.
If she is going through the menopause then she will already be feeling emotionally fragile, so this upcoming event may have just made things worse for her as she might be also trying to adjust to the changes in her body.
It is often easier for people to be angry than sad, so she could be masking her upset with this emotion if she feels she is not ready to confront the real turmoil she is going through.
This is a situation she has no control over, so she might be feeling a little helpless right now too.
Maybe you could talk to her about our moving out if you have not already and see if she can let her guard down a little. Maybe she thinks that she won’t see you- so perhaps you could reassure her that you will still make the effort stay in touch and meet up.
It is natural for her to feel little envious of your new life as it is exciting- she may have been though all of this before with your father and so she might be feeling little nostalgic and that could be encouraging some jealousy.
If you are armed with all this knowledge, then it might help you not to react to her anger so much and accept that is it her way of coping. Once she gets used to the idea she might see things differently and eventually start to let her guard down and gravitate back towards you rather than pulling away.
tagged in Menopause Mums yin and yang agony aunt
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