Leanne asks :

Hi Lucy,

My husband has just left me and I don't know what to do. He has always struggled with the commitment and has strayed at times (nothing physical) it was more like flirting and going on dating sites. I always forgave him because he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me and I suppose I always hoped that if I was patient he would get bored of it and change. He's now told me he's not been very happy and doesn't think I have either so he's let the family home and gone to his mums. We were in the process of selling our house and had a plan set out. He doesn't want to go down the divorce road yet but does want to make immediate plans with regards to what to do now. For example, he wants to cancel the sale and let me and our son live there and he will give me money every month to live. I asked him if there was a chance that if he had some time, he might change his mind he said he wouldn't rule it out. I'm so broken and confused. I'm not ready to move on and get over him and I'm scared to be on my own. I just wish I knew what he was thinking to know if there's a chance that one day he might come back. I took my vows seriously and if there's a small chance this might work out I am willing to wait for him to get whatever he needs to out of his system.

Our Reply

Hi Leanne,

Perhaps he just needs time apart to revaluate things. Sometimes when couples are together all the time they can become complacent and take the other person for granted. Maybe he just needs to detach himself from that to clear his head.

Looking on dating sites and flirting can give men or women an impression of something they think they have been missing and make them crave the single life again. In reality it might not be for him and he might have a little ‘grass is greener complex’ but perhaps he needs to find that out on his own.

He has offered to send you money and make sure that you and your son are ok, so it sounds like he still cares for you and wants to see that you continue in the life you have become accustomed to. If he was leaving you out of anger or resentment then chances are he wouldn’t consider your needs. If you were to sell the house it is the perfect opportunity to go your separate ways, however he has not opted for that.

Could you suggest some relationship counselling? If he has not ruled out getting back together then this might help you to explore why he has left in more depth. It seems that you have been through a lot to throw it away without at least the offer of some professional help first.

Perhaps talk to him and tell that you are willing to let him ‘get whatever it is out of his system’. He may think that he can have one or the other not both- this way he can find out what he feels he has been missing and still potentially be able to make another go of things with you.

Whatever you both decide it sounds like he will still be in your life in some capacity for you and your son’s sake.

 


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