Laura asks :
Hi Lucy,
A few months back I arranged drinks for my partner’s birthday. And as he didn't want a fuss we invited one of his best friends and his partner I have known his partner for 2-3 ish years and I would say she was a friend although I would only really see her at parties so not a weekly thing. Everything was going really good, we were all quite tipsy, and her partner kept on demanding me and her make out with each other, she seemed eager to please him. However me and my partner were having none of it so eventually the best friend shut up. Although he was complimenting me quite a bit and saying how my partner was lucky, in the fact that I hadn't slept around, I kept telling him to be quiet as it wasn't appropriate seeing as his girlfriend was there....although she didn't even seem too bothered not even when her partner implied she had been around the block a few times. As the night progressed it was still a nice atmosphere. The other girl though began to question me about my partner and his business we ran together and was being very loud and quite aggressive......she hadn't even drank much. I then said I think it was a subject best left out of the evening she began to shout and then threw a drink all over me. My partner quickly told her to leave, and they did. She came in the next day as her boyfriend had left his keys wallet and mobile. She apologised however it seemed fake. My partner now doesn't want to hang out with her again or see his friend as much as he feels awkward. What do you think is the best action to take?
Our Reply
Hi Laura,
It sounds like the whole night was filled with questions that you didn’t want to answer- which contributed to a bit of an atmosphere. If he has made the decision not to see them again then perhaps let it lie. The incident seemed unprovoked, so if you speak to her again then it might makes things worse.
Could you partner meet his friend without the two of you? Just on a guy’s night out instead of a couple’s night? It would be awkward at first- but if they have been friends for a while then they should both put this incident to one side. It seems that they haven’t fallen out over anything-so if they are mature enough to admit that all of you together is a potentially a bad idea then things should go back to normal with a little understanding from both sides.
She might have directed her anger at you because she was hurt by her boyfriend’s comments of her sexual promiscuity. Maybe, instead of picking a fight with him she opted to take it out on you because he was complimenting you at points in the night.
She did apologise- but if you feel that it wasn’t heartfelt then if you invite her around again she might speak to you in the same way. That said- there are always two sides to every story, perhaps you could speak to her and ask her if there was anything you did to upset her. This would give her the opportunity to be truthful and apologise if you did anything you were not aware of that offended her- chance to get your stories straight.
tagged in Friends Partner friend yin and yang agony aunt
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