Kathy asks :
Hi Lucy,
My current boyfriend found a sex video of me and my ex-boyfriend having sex. He now won't let me touch him. The video is old and never cheated. He looks at me different now and not been the same. Will he get over it? Are we effectively over now? Help! I love him and don't want to lose him over something in the past.
Hi Kathy,
Agony Aunts on Female First
No-one wants to imagine their partner having sex with their ex, let alone see it, so it may take him some time to get the image out of his mind and some patience from you.
If you never cheated then perhaps the one thing he can question you on is why you kept the video? He may have jumped to conclusions about why you felt the need to still have it once you started dating him.
He may also be jealous if you were doing something in the video that you have not done with him. Or that you didn't tell him you made a video in the first place?
How did things end with your ex? If they were amicable then that could also be making him paranoid.
Is there a date on the video to prove that it happened before you were a couple? Could this fall to a greater issue of trust between you both?
If you love him- then he may need some assurances right now if he is feeling insecure about anything he saw.
I would suggest that if it doesn't get any better that you consider relationship counselling.
It doesn't necessarily mean that you are over. If you both love each other enough, you should be able to find a way to get through this. Perhaps help him to see that everyone has a past- even him- it was just unfortunate that he had to see yours so graphically. Maybe, in time, a little more honesty about what you both did with your exs might prevent another surprise like this?
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