Lilly asks :
Hi Lucy.
So I've been with my girlfriend for nearly three years. She is quite well known for her rebellious attitude but I seem to have found her them caring, loving side. The problem is her exs. I admire her for staying in contact with them and merely being friends. But I don't like the fact that they are so close. She often chooses one of them over me. She also gets really jealous if I talk to someone I've had history with or a really close friend. I've tried talking to her about this multiple times but she doesn't seem to get it. I feel as though I'm at a loss. Help?
Our Reply
Hi Lilly,
Have you considered couples counselling? If talking to her has not worked, it might be helpful to get an outsider’s perspective on the situation to emphasize how important it is and how much it’s bothering you.
Have you asked her she would feel if you were to do the same to her? It might help to put her in your shoes to help her to understand the effect it is having on your relationship, rather than just trying to tell her how you feel. It sounds like she needs some perspective on the situation.
Do you trust her? All this worry about her with her exs could be a sign that you don’t as much as you thought you did. Has she ever given you reason to suspect her fidelity before? If not then perhaps try to work on accepting that this is her way of doing things or work or you may need to work your own insecurities that might be making you believe she is looking elsewhere. Maybe then, somewhere along the way you will finally meet in the middle on this issue.
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