Shak asks :

Hi Lucy,

 

I have 2 friends who have been asked out and liked. I am 20 years old and have NEVER been fancied. I wouldn't say I’m ugly, and I do have an alright personality- I mean people seem to like my company, but why am I not desirable? I’m quite different to my friends, I’m not very much in to fashion (which effectively means I’m not very fashionable) and guys nowadays seem to like that. I'm also not into mainstream music and I just don’t talk the way girls usually talk. I’m struggling with the idea that maybe I need to change but I’ve always been the sort of person who believes I should stay who I am. I’m just wondering is it a reasonable move to change? I’m just lost.

Hi Shak,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

You can't say for certain that you have never been fancied- it just might be that the men who have found you attractive have never made a move to ask you out.

There is nothing wrong with being different to your friends- if you are not into fashion then so be it. As long as what you do dress in makes you feel confident and happy- who cares? Not all men are into that- it might be that you have only come across men who are and it has made you think this way.

There is no need to change- no one should have to in order to date the men that their friends are. These men might be the right for them but they are clearly not for you.

Are these men likely to change to fit with your ideals? Probably not- so you should not have to either. The belief that you hold is the right one- you should stay true to who you are or you will lose touch with yourself.

For you, it sounds like your romantic life is just taking a little longer that's all. You are bound to find people in your life who like the same things as you such as music- it's just a matter of finding them. Could you join a dating site that matches you on similar interests, or try attending more gigs of the bands you like and that way you might meet someone who shares your passions?

Perhaps your group of friends is great for parts of your life but not for others. It might be time to extend your social circle to incorporate more people in it who you feel more like you with. Do you have any hobbies that you could make into something more social by joining a group? Maybe take your passions and turn them into something that involves more than you and you might just find the person that sees you as you are and not as project to become like your friends.


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