Nikita asks :
Hi Lucy,
Me and my ex-boyfriend broke up nearly 3 months ago. He got into a relationship with a girl shortly after this, and I have been seeing someone else for about a month. However recently my ex-boyfriend has come back into my life, saying he wants to give us another go. We have known each other for about 7 years, and we spent approximately 4 of these as a couple. However we were quite a dysfunctional couple at times, and after we broke up I decided to change my ways, as did he, and he does seem very different. I was convinced he was the love of my life as we get on extremely well and we always talked about the future. I'm now extremely confused as to what I should do. I do like the person I am with now, and he does make me happy, but not as much as my ex-boyfriend did, and I feel extremely guilty because I rushed into this new relationship without fully getting over my ex-boyfriend and it isn't fair on the guy I'm with now. I don't want to hurt anyone but it seems that whichever choice I make will end up hurting someone. I don't know what to do; I feel so unhappy right now.
Hi Nikita,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Whatever the reason for breaking up with your ex, might arise again, so if you do get back together it will take a lot of work and dedication not to fall back into the same traps as before. You say that you have changed as individuals- this might have an impact on how you will be as a couple if you get back together.
Perhaps being apart has allowed you each the time to explore who you want to be as individuals and with a greater sense of this you might find that you are better together now than you were before.
If the guy you are with now doesn’t make you as happy then this could be down to not giving him enough of a chance. You are bound to have a greater connection with your ex if you were with him for longer. Maybe give this new guy some more time before you make your final decision. Going back to something that is familiar is a lot more comforting than heading into something new, so maybe it’s just that you feel unsure about your future with this new guy. Perhaps your relationship with your ex is something that you can expect and almost predict.
Unfortunately, when you make your decision you will likely end up hurting someone, however with love, often there is an injured party. Perhaps be a little bit selfish and ask yourself what will hurt you less? Being with your new guy, getting back with your ex or being single? Maybe protect yourself a little and do what you think is right for you, or you could end up being the one that’s hurting later down the line.
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