Lianne asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've been seeing this lad for a few months now, we had a break because he was taking hours to reply and didn't make an effort with me and I found out he wanted his ex back. After he met her he says he chose me and came back. Since we've been meeting again he still doesn't ask to meet me first, doesn't text me first either, and still takes half a day to respond. He keeps promising me he will prove that he cares for me but there still is no change what do I do? Do I just give up now?
Hi Lianne,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Men are not generally experts when it comes to arranging nights out, texting first and replying to text messages during working hours, that is not just your boyfriend that is most men. Women are better at multi-tasking- so if you are texting him at work- chances are, he is just concentrating on that, then he can think about his relaitonship once he is home. Women tend to be the organizers and the instigators, so perhaps try not to read too much into it.
That said if he knows it could be something that causes you to break up with him again, then he could make more of an effort to prevent losing you again. You have given him a second chance where this is concerned and it does not sound like he is committed to changing this time either.
He has made you a promise to change, and perhaps hasn’t, so how many more chances are you willing to give him before you say enough is enough?
If he chose you then why did he need to see his ex before making that decision? If he had even an inkling that he might get back with his ex, then perhaps he should not have started anything up with you until he knew one way or the other how he felt about her.
It seems that you have been patient with him while he has gone through his indecision over his ex and his lack of effort to improve areas that you have marked as being troublesome, so maybe he is not as committed as you are to this relationship.
If you were to repeat what happened before to make your point then you might find yourself in a vicious circle of breaking up and getting back together with no real improvement.
If you genuinely believe him when he says he will change then maybe give this another go, but remember that change is in words and actions not just what he tells you he is going to do.
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