Louise asks :

Hi Lucy,

I am currently in a 9 month long relationship. My boyfriend is going through some tough times but finds it hard to talk to people he's close to and hasn't really spoken to me now for around a week. It’s only recently we had a break due to his problems and since we got back together things haven't been the same. It is a regular thing that me and a group of my friends meet up at our local pub and my ex is one that joins us. I have started to become closer to him again and he has admitted that he has never gotten over me. My head is all over the place and this news hasn't helped. He was my first love and with everything that's going on I don't know what to do. I have really fallen in love with my boyfriend but he just seems to be pushing me away. Maybe you could advise me in some way.

 

Hi Louise,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

It could be that you are drawn to your ex because you are having a hard time with your boyfriend. It is much easier to think the grass is greener in a potential relationship when things are not at their best in your current romantic life. Similarly- is your ex saying such things to you because you are with someone else? Perhaps he is just jealous to see you with another partner while he is still single. It can be difficult to see an ex-partner in a new relationship, so be sure that his intentions aren't just out of envy.

Perhaps your boyfriend needs outside help if he finds it difficult to talk to those closest to him. Sometimes it's difficult to be honest with family and partners as the truth might hurt or scare them. Could you suggest that your partner sees a counsellor to discuss his feelings in confidence and without fear of hurting an existing relationship?

You may find that he needs time alone to work on himself before letting someone else in. Or your relationship could improve once he sees an impartial person. It might be worth giving this a chance before making your decision. If your relationship improved with him- would you be inclined to stay?

All relationships go through their ups and downs and your partner may need you to stand by him while he works through all of this if you do love him. If you do decide to go your separate ways then that might be the appropriate time to explore things with your ex again. If you do so now, with your partner in an already fragile place, it could make him feel worse. It might be worth tackling one relationship at a time, rather than muddling the two to simplify the situation for yourself and the men in your life.


by for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk
find me on and follow me on


tagged in

Need Help?

If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.