Caroline asks :

Hi Lucy, 

I went out with a guy three years ago for a year, and I really thought it would last longer. However, because of the difficulty with the distance between our homes, we split up. We are now really good friends and I can talk to him about anything. However, it has taken me 4 more guys since to realise that I still have strong feelings for him. My friends say I should tell him because I need closure but I am worried that it will ruin our friendship and make things awkward if he doesn't feel the same way. On the other hand, I am worried if I don't tell him I will never get over him. What do I do?

 

Hi Caroline,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

It sounds like you have tried to get over him by starting up relationships with other people; however this rarely works if you are still in love with someone else. New relationships are unfortunately not a means of altering true feelings about past loves.

You went through a relationship and a break up and are still friends so perhaps your friendship could survive if you told him that you wanted to make another go of things, even if he doesn't feel the same way.

It doesn't help that you broke up over distance rather than because you were incompatible. That might be one of the reasons you are finding it hard to get over him- because you broke up over a bad situation rather than bad feeling.

He may feel the same way but assumed because you were with someone else that you were over him.

Do you live closer now? If not what has changed? If you do tell him how you feel then you might need to be armed with a reason as to why it could work this time if you still live far apart.

If you live near each other now- could it just be that you are curious because it's more convenient?

Is he with someone now or is he still single? If you are not going to hurt anyone else in the process then it could be your best time to approach.


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