Laura asks :
Hi Lucy,
I'm thinking of moving out and leaving my husband with the reality of life. I'd been the bread winner for the 2 years until he got work in August last year however I still pay all the bills we go halves on the rent and he gets the shopping weekly all be it the minimum. For the past 4 years he has lost his sex drive and I've been supportive but he also shows no affection to me. We had our anniversary the other week; we both work shifts and had the weekend off together but we didn't do anything and I got a McDonalds for lunch. I'm boring myself asking him for affection. What should I do?
Hi Laura,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Perhaps he is traditional and still believes that he should be the main bread winner in the home. If he was out of work maybe it dented his confidence because he couldn't support you- which in turn affected his sex drive. If he felt that he was being a failure to you already by not bringing in a wage, then it may be that this extended to him feeling like a failure in the bedroom too. Does he come from a traditional family? If so then he may have naturally picked up this thought process.
Perhaps some relationship counselling would help with somewhere like Relate. The suggestion of seeing someone might give him the jolt he needs if he didn't take you seriously before. Maybe after some sessions with a professional, it will help you to communicate better with one another and plan ahead to make the most of special occasions as well as finding a way to reignite the intimacy in your relationship.
If you feel that the bills are unfairly distributed then perhaps you could talk to him about increasing his contribution if he is earning a wage now. Maybe by giving him a bit more responsibility again, he might feel that he is benefitting the relationship more and taking the burden off you a little, which could help you both feel better about things.
tagged in Husband
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