Lola asks :
Hi Lucy,
I really like this guy but I don't know how to tell him. We've dated a couple of times and it never seems to work out (mostly down to me). He's really sweet and kind and it's never his fault that we break up, I think we just lose the spark. We've become friends again and I don't know whether to risk the friendship for a chance at something more. We kind of have a cycle, we date, we break up, we have a couple of awkward weeks of avoiding each other, we become friends again and then we date again. I don't know whether to stop the cycle now and just say 'if it hasn't worked out before what's so different about this time?'
Hi Lola,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It sounds like you have explored being a couple many times to establish if it's for you. Perhaps if the spark isn't there now it never will be, as this is usually the time when it's at its brightest.
You say that you are the reason for it not working out each time- why is this? You might be setting yourself up for failure if you go into it each time with this mind-set. What do you think you do that affects the relationship to the point of breaking up? Can you do something about that?
When friends convert to couples, one of the greatest challenges is developing your relationship beyond habit. Before deciding to date, all friends have known is how to be just that and it can be hard to let it materialize into something more when that's how you have always seen each other.
Have you talked to him about what might be going wrong? It may be time to have this conversation and find out where he stands. Is he willing to identify what's standing in your way with you and then try again? If so then you could see if you feel differently with the changes in place.
If you have done this many times before and it's not hurt your friendship so far then maybe another attempt might not cause too much damage.
If he wants to stay friends, when you date, you might fall that little bit more for him each time, so it's worth knowing what he wants from your time together- a friendship or a romance?
tagged in Friendship
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