Was it wrong for me to have a meal with my ex-husband?

by Lucy Moore | 22 July 2015

Hi Reena,

Agony Aunts on Female First

It is understandable your partner might be jealous because you spent time with your ex-husband, if he didn't know about it beforehand. It may have come as a shock and read too much into it- you were a family at one stage after all- which can be perceived as a lot to compete with.

The reason for the meal was for your daughter; for her benefit on a day about her. It doesn't sound like it was anything to do with your relationship with your ex- simply a celebration of your child's success.

Perhaps wait until your partner has calmed down and remind him of this fact. If going out for a meal was a way to ensure your daughter's celebrations were extended, perhaps you both just wanted to make her happy on a memorable day by showing your unity. You were once a family- so why no honour that basic fact by getting along?

It was kinder on your daughter that you both got on for her sake than arguing and ruining her day.

Perhaps your partner hadn't realised that your ex-husband would be there. Maybe he thought you wouldn't entertain the thought of going out for a meal with him. Either way- it happened- so now you might just need to re-enforce the point of who you did it for and be mindful to tell beforehand him if a similar occasion arises for your daughter.

There can be a lot of insecurity for step fathers and new lovers too when an ex comes back on the scene. The new partner might question whether the ex has returned with an ulterior motive. These doubts could be exacerbated over a surprise encounter and/or a friendly interaction between the previous spouses. It might be wise to be mindful of this and reassure him that you love him.

---

by Lucy Moore for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk
find me on and follow me on