Emma asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've been seeing this guy for over a year now. He's great, such a gentleman, loving, caring and honest. He went away to university in September and we both agreed we still wanted to be in the relationship. We used to talk regularly on the phone and have video chats but over the months it's stopped and we only speak on the phone once a week now. What makes it worse is I only get to see him when he comes to London which is every few months at best he said I can't come over to stay with him because of temptation. (we're waiting till marriage) which is so hard on me but I've gone along with it. There is other guy who likes me, he wants to hear from me every day, we text all the time, I like him as well. The other day we were supposed to go cinema with a group of friends but they wanted to watch another movie so me and this other guy went to watch the one we wanted to watch. During the movie he kissed me and I kissed him back. I've never ever dreamed of cheating on my boyfriend it just happened. I was so speechless I didn't know what to say or do. After the movie ended we kissed each other goodbye at the bus stop. I can't stop thinking about this guy now when I think of our kiss I get butterflies. Should I end it with my boyfriend and start seeing this new guy? Please help I'm in such a dilemma.
Our Reply
Hi Emma,
Taking this new guy out of the equation- do you still want to be with your boyfriend or do you feel that the long distance thing is not working? Or do you want sex before marriage now? You have already mentioned how hard this is for you to maintain- so it might be that this is not something for you.
If things are not going well between you and your man anyone else that comes along can make you feel like the grass is greener- so try to separate the two to make your decision.
The lack of contact between you both suggests that neither of you is willing to put as much effort in as you were into keeping in touch. Communication is a massive part of any romance and if that is depleted then it can have serious repercussions on the state of your relationship.
If you would want to know if your boyfriend had kissed someone else, then it’s probably only fair treat him with the same honesty. This might jolt him into making more of an effort with you and help you realise that you do have something worth fighting for. Or you could decide that it is a result of you both feeling like you are not in the same place you were and it’s time to go your separate ways.
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