Nik asks :
Hi Lucy,
We have been married nearly 20 years and I have just retired. (My husband retired four years ago.) Throughout our marriage, we have only been on holiday a handful of times. My husband was self-employed and found it difficult to get time off. Now we are both retired and are fortunate to have no real money worries but I simply cannot get my husband to go away anywhere or do anything other than play golf. He won't stay in a hotel (too 'posh'). He refuses to go anywhere where they drive on the right or to fly from any other airport apart from our local one. Wherever I suggest that we go, he has a stupid reason not to - for example Scotland (too far), Isle of Wight (boring), Orient Express (too upper class), Norway (too cold), Italy (too hot), cruise (sea sickness) and so on... If we ever do go away, it is usually to Pembrokeshire, which he loves. I get no choice in the matter. We have to go self-catering (his choice) and I get no say as to where we go or what we do while we are away. He will ask if I want to go somewhere but if I say no thank you, he just ignores me and goes anyway. I am happy to go away without him but he then moans for weeks about the fact that I'm paying a single traveller supplement. I have no friends who are in a position to afford to go away with me and I don't really fancy going on an organised singles tour. Help, please ... any suggestions? Kind regards
Our Reply
Hi Nik,
A lot of couples can fall into the trap of doing everything together which doesn’t necessarily always have to be the case.
If he ‘moans for weeks’ about the single supplement, perhaps you need to find a way to block this out and try to not let it hinder your quest to explore new places. If he refuses to go with you- then it can be argued that the cost incurred is down to his reluctance to join in.
If you always go on holiday where he wants to go then perhaps now you have the time to do so, it’s appropriate for you to go to the places that you have always dreamed of. Once you get there you might find that you get talking other like-minded people who you could meet up with at intervals throughout the holiday, if an organised tour is not what you want.
Could you arrange somewhere that has a golfing complex attached to the hotel so he has an interest while you can explore the surroundings on your own? Perhaps this could be a happy medium for you both.
Maybe if you go away a few times without him, he might realise that he misses you and wants to come with you eventually. It’s difficult to make snap decisions about destinations if he has not visited them, so if you do it first he might be inclined to go back with you once he knows more about them.
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