Carol asks :
Hi Lucy,
When I got divorced 20 years ago my daughter wouldn't go to her dad's but my son did. As a result, she agreed to meet him before my son's wedding. They met yesterday and she hated it. I told her it would be difficult after this long. Anyway, he text her the next day saying it was uncomfortable yet wants to try to sort things. He wants to wait until after the wedding in 4 weeks. She thinks he’s not trying. I said he's probably as scared as she is and doesn't want any big fallout that may cause friction for the wedding. What do think? Please, it's awful because I can't do anything. Carol
Hi Carol,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It sounds like because this is the first time they have been in touch for 20 years that she was a little overwhelmed. It may take her a few days to consider what they talked about and his suggestion. She may realise on her own that it's less about him not trying but more so to let the wedding pass without any issues.
It sounds particularly difficult for you because you are in the middle. Perhaps you could encourage your ex to write her a letter explaining why he wants to hold back for now as well as how much he wants to reconcile. Meeting up face to face might be too much too soon, so perhaps this would help ease her into the idea. If he does this before the wedding it might just make the day flow a bit better. Perhaps the best thing you can do is be a sounding board for them both, as it is ultimately their bond to re-establish.
It does seem that you ex-husband is trying his hardest for this not to affect your son's wedding. If he is very close with your son, then he understandably won't want anything to put a damper on his day.
If they were to tackle their relationship now, it's unlikely that all will be forgiven and forgotten in four weeks' time. They may need more time than that, in which case they will have nothing but time after the wedding. There will be no pressure of an event looming and they will be able to take things at their own pace.
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